B-Rant

- submitted by s.levenstein on 01/19/2012

  

I'm Heavin' On A Jetplane: Top 10 Best Barf Bags

By Steve Levenstein

Barf bags are designed to do only one thing - and do it just once. Nobody really cares what they look like, as long as they aren't transparent. It's somewhat surprising then that "motion sickness bags" sport so many different graphic designs. Fasten your seat belt, here are 10 of the best.

10) For ALL Your Holiday Memories

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Next time you're in transit and hit turbulence, make a grab for the bag but note the Special Offer for film processing printed on it - then spew away. Keep in mind that "This is a dual-purpose sick bag"... so, you can barf in it AND use it as a coupon. Working at the one-hour photo shop just got a LOT worse.

9) The Kama Pukra

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Ever heard of Yeti Airlines? They say the service is abominable. Thanks, I'll be here all week. Actually, I imagine ancient, rust-stained DC-3s barely clearing jagged Himalayan peaks as the pilots buzz yaks for cheap thrills. Oh yeah, you're gonna need this barf bag, which charmingly displays what a typical Yeti Airlines passenger might look like. Users are advised that the bag "can also be used for vomiting, spitting, throwing the wrappers of chocolates etc., and throwing baby's excreta." Ready to book your flight? Not Yeti...

8) Little Brown Barf Bag

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When Brooklyn artist Sarah Nicole Phillips decided to put out a parody of Bloomingdale's iconic Little Brown Bag, the result was the Little Brown Barf Bag. I'm "libel" to think Bloomies was OK with this, and would never assume that Phillips was in some way equating the goods shoppers buy at Bloomingdale's with the contents of a typical airsickness bag. Sarah's next project is expected to be a parody of those iconic orange prison jumpsuits.

7) Piggie Bag

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Say you've just enjoyed a delicious ham & cheese sandwich courtesy of the Danish National Railway when... uh oh. Reach for the handy sickness bag and... UH OH!

6) "Design For Chunks"

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This disturbingly cute sickness bag was entered in the 2000-2005 "Design For Chunks" art contest and exhibition - I kid you not. The 20 winning entrants had their work showcased on 500,000 barf bags used by Virgin Atlantic airlines. The feedback was... well, let's not go there.

5) Capturing the Drama of Flying

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Remember the A&E TV show "Airline"? Me neither, and this promotional barf bag surely didn't help. "Like this bag, we capture the drama of flying"... perhaps A&E isn't exactly aware of what barf bags ARE designed to capture. And stop calling me Shirley.

4) Truckin' & Upchuckin'

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Rough flights, bad acid and tubs of Cherry Garcia ice cream do not mix... except inside the "Boogie Till You Barf" bag. Just what you need when that Touch Of Gray turns to a touch of nausea, so stock a stack in the Microbus's glove compartment before dead-heading off to the next concert.

3) Hello Kitty, Goodbye Lunch

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From 2005 through 2009, Taiwan's EVA Air operated a pair of Airbus A330-200 jets decked out in screaming pink Hello Kitty livery. Obviously they had a good idea of what the effect would be on passengers, so matching air sickness bags were quickly added to the preposterously cute decor scheme. Best results were achieved when pink in-flight meals were served.

2) Nixon's The One!

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Nixon's up for re-election? Again? Yeah, you're gonna need this... "your nausea bag for the 1972 Republican Convention," compliments of the Neo-American Church of Florida. No, I haven't heard of them either but they couldn't be worse than the Westboro Baptist Church... after all, both of them are led by a "primate".

1) Bad Altitude

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Call it truth in advertising if you want; I call it awesome: "A bag, you may confide all your altitude problems too." Gotta hand it to the flying pride of Slovenia, Adria Airways. English might not be their mother tongue but they've absolutely mastered the fine art of expressing subtle humor and wicked satire while stating the painfully obvious... which also explains the Yugo.

Many thanks to the tenacious, persistent and far-traveling barf bag collectors who, by posting their collections online, allow the rest of us to share their fascination with these often overlooked, frequently under-appreciated yet occasionally essential accessories. Props to Kelly of Kelly's World of Airsickness Bags, who, though he admits to being prone to airsickness, assures us the bags in his collection "have never been knowingly used for that purpose."

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Steve Levenstein was born & raised at the then-northern edge of metro Toronto, Canada. Looking through the prism of the suburbs has not only given him a slightly skewed view of society, but has also helped frame the wider world as a series of variations on a theme. Closer to home, Toronto's multicultural mix acts as a rich, vibrant tonic -- an essential elixer that, by putting people out of their place, highlights the common humanity which lies within.

After a 15-year dip in the corporate pool, Steve abandoned the daily commute to focus on his first love, writing, and spending time with his family. Steve's wife of 18 years hails from Tokyo, Japan, and provides a unique window into the delights and diversions of modern Japanese culture while his 2 sons (the younger an established tech blogger in his own right) help keep the house from getting too quiet. Steve writes for a number of respected blogs including InventorSpot, WebUrbanist, Dark Roasted Blend and The Thinking Blog...read more rants