Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you, bad boys, bad boys! As a longtime fan of the TV show Cops, I'm trying to imagine the suburban edition, my town's edition. Take a look at some of my favorite entries from my town's police log, and you'll see that my town's bravest don't have much in the way of door-bustin' or guns blazin'.

Linda Keenan worked 7 years as a head writer/senior producer for various programs on CNN...read more

1. A Cleveland Road man reported receiving two unwanted Valentine's cards. There was no return address and the cards were unsigned.
   
   
2. The man reported something similar happened a few months ago.
   
   
3. A Wellesley Middle School student reported that his saxophone was not where he had left it on Feb. 6.
   
   
4. An Elmwood Road resident reported getting into an argument with her brother, who allegedly threw a shirt at her. The brother left the home to avoid continuing arguing with his sister. The reporting party made arrangements to stay with a friend for the evening.
   
   
5. A Mellon Road resident reported that an ex-girlfriend was sending negative e-mails to his wife on Facebook.
   
   
6. Officer Gerard was driving around town and noticed that a car parked in front of a house on Westerly Street was covered with shaving cream and silly string.
   
   
7. Police received a call to remove a disorderly Needham High School student from a Wellesley versus Needham basketball game. The student tried to start a chant of "Wellesley sucks," according to the police report, which is against the Massachusetts Interscholastic Athletic Association rules. When the athletic director asked the student to leave, he ran out of the stands and into the court, disturbing the game. He then attempted to get back to his seat but reportedly saw his mother approach him and fled the gymnasium.
   
   
8. A Linden Street resident reported he and his roommate had gotten into an argument over dishes the night before. He just wanted the case documented, but did not want police to speak to the roommate.

Shirt throwing? Unwanted Valentines? The Great Silly String Attack of 2009? It sort of makes me want to set up a combo meth lab/whore house on my block. That would give the cops at the Dunkin Donuts something to chew on besides their crullers. And I've always wanted to do a perp walk. Bad girl, bad girl, whatcha gonna do?

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