- submitted by s.levenstein on 09/07/2009
Get Off My Lawn! Now! Please?
By Steve Levenstein
It's the dark side of suburbia, the antithesis of the kinder, gentler neighborliness we all want in our neck of the neighborhood: a crotchety old guy either leaning on a cane or propped up in a lounge chair, quavery voice stretched to it's limit, demanding that some trespassing dog, windblown piece of paper or rotten kids "get off my lawn!"
Where did this turf territoriality come from, and why does it seem to get stronger with age? Growing up in freshly laid suburbs like new kids on the new block, that neatly clipped, trimmed and master-planned world was our oyster, a giant green checkerboard upon which we made our moves with childlike joy and wonder.
A game of Hide & Go Seek necessitated traipsing across lawns, leaping over hedges and ducking into shrubbery -- and it didn't much matter whose bush we whacked or whose grass we flattened in the process. If that made us "rotten kids", well, we meant no rotten-ness at heart. The mudballs we tossed in our war games were aimed at one another, not at another house or its adult residents. If they happened to land on a patio or the odd tulip was beheaded, we wrote it off as collateral damage and assumed everyone else would too.
Time passed and we became homeowners. Lawns were to be maintained, mowed, watered and weeded. It took effort...and when someone's rottweiler chose our patch of green to do some business it was very much OUR business. Having finally secured a little piece of the American dream, we were going to defend our beachhead from all invaders whether they be animal (said rottweiler), mineral (windblown paper) or vegetable (those rotten kids).
Still, it's rare to hear that clarion call of the red-breasted lawn defender from anyone under retirement age. Maybe oldsters just have less tolerance -- they'll stand in line at the market for a half hour trying to return a bruised piece of fruit, after all. Maybe there's more effort involved maintaining a lawn at 70 than there is at 35, or perhaps it's the decades of perseverance that demand a little respect.
They're not getting it, though; respect for someone's lawn is hard to find in an age where people have lost respect for politicians, corporations and the financial wheeler dealers who brought on the subprime/housing/bailout mess.
"Get off my lawn" has become a catchphrase, an internet meme, a label for the Old America that couldn't pass the test of time and has been reduced to a figure of ridicule. Remember that Seinfeld episode where Kramer installed a classic suburban screen door in his very urban apartment, causing him to morph into a classic Angry Old Dude complete with lawn chair, American flags and a bevy of unseen rotten kids to torment him. He eventually succumbed to a vicious and prolonged attack of Silly String...a terrible (and terribly messy) way to go.
Is there hope for the defenders of the lawn and their strident squawking? There just might. In some quarters, "Get Off My Lawn!" is emerging as a proud and defiant statement: we believe in the way things used to be and we will not give in to the new mediocrity. Our lawns are ourselves; don't tread on me!
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Steve Levenstein was born & raised at the then-northern edge of metro Toronto, Canada. Looking through the prism of the suburbs has not only given him a slightly skewed view of society, but has also helped frame the wider world as a series of variations on a theme. Closer to home, Toronto's multicultural mix acts as a rich, vibrant tonic -- an essential elixer that, by putting people out of their place, highlights the common humanity which lies within.
After a 15-year dip in the corporate pool, Steve abandoned the daily commute to focus on his first love, writing, and spending time with his family. Steve's wife of 18 years hails from Tokyo, Japan, and provides a unique window into the delights and diversions of modern Japanese culture while his 2 sons (the younger an established tech blogger in his own right) help keep the house from getting too quiet. Steve writes for a number of respected blogs including InventorSpot, WebUrbanist, Dark Roasted Blend and The Thinking Blog.
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