Suburban Heroes

Sharon White

Crusader, Activist, Hand-Waving Crossing Guard

Faced with a town-imposed ban on Sharon's waving amiably at passing cars and pedestrians, this heroic crossing guard defied her repressive, anti-social local officials, and waved anyway -- at least to those who waved first. The local politicos ...read more

Dale Rooks

Crossing Guard Pioneer, Improvisational Hair Stylist

Fed up with speeding cars near his corner Rooks, improvised. He grabbed a hair dryer from his closest, wrapped it in duct tape to give it a metallic look, and pointed it menacingly above his shoulders at all speeding cars, a la the highest of high-tech radar guns...read more

Frances Gabe

Inventor of First (and Only) Fully Self-Cleaning House

Think your self-cleaning oven is good? Try Frances' house. Every room has its own wash, rinse and dry cycle. All furniture is made of water proof materials. And literally all you have to do is press a button and your closets seal and spin dry your clothes on their hangers; your cupboards shut and your dishes are cleaned on their shelves; and the only (tiny) downside ...read more

Joseph Mundy

Drove Power Lawn Mower in Drunken Stupor to Pick Up Munchies

It was late. Near midnight. 2006. He was drunk. He needed chips. He saw the lawn tractor in the driveway. A rare visionary suburbanite seized the moment. Saw the full potential of power mowers -- comfortable fuel efficient transport vehicles -- and had the courage and conviction to act...read more

Diane Wolfberg

Grandmother, Speed Leaf Raker

In 1998, in a dramatic competition sponsored by the Los Angeles City Council, Grandma Diane swept and cleared leaves off a designated area faster than a professionally operated power leaf blower. The petite grandmother's stunning victory...read more