A friend of mine mentioned

- submitted by swingingonthefence on 05/09/2007

A friend of mine mentioned something like this going on in our town (outside Wilmington). I didn't believe it either, but it turned out to be true. I haven't done it yet -- I'm married! -- but some of my friends have and they want me to. They say it's more common than people think. It sounds so!!!

OK OK I tried it. I hated

- submitted by experimenter on 05/09/2007

OK OK I tried it. I hated it. Only, you know what, I really didn't. I felt embarrassed after, but everybody was so cool and normal. We may do it again! We're near Chicago, good midwest values! LOL

I'm ready. Where do I sign

- submitted by Anonymous on 05/09/2007

I'm ready. Where do I sign up? I'm so bored with my hub, I'd swing with almost anybody. Almost.

Wait, I mean I'd intimacy

- submitted by Anonymous on 05/09/2007

Wait, I mean I'd intimacy share with anybody. As long as it wasn't my pig neighbor across the street.

ouch ouch. my guy and i did

- submitted by 1sttimer on 05/09/2007

ouch ouch. my guy and i did this. there's a group that meets once a month. it was fun! we're not wild people or anything like that. (he's cpa, and acts like one. that's why i was willing to try, if you know what i mean. but it was so normal. i recognized some of the people, that was weird but after a glass of wine it all just went and so did we.

i'm blushign even talking about. i want to do it again. i'm afraid to suggest it.

this is gross, i'm sorry,

- submitted by solidon on 05/09/2007

this is gross, i'm sorry, you all should get a life

I have a life and I don't

- submitted by Normal on 05/09/2007

I have a life and I don't need you to judge it. If I want to have adventure that's no one's concern except mine and my partner. solidon, you should get alife and stop worrying about others.

By the way, I haven't done this. But I don't think there's anything wrong with either.

If you want adventure, to go

- submitted by yoton on 05/09/2007

If you want adventure, to go Epcot. Respect your marriage, otherwise what's the point?

You can respect your

- submitted by 1sttimer on 05/09/2007

You can respect your marriage and still experience other things. It depends on the people and the realtionship.

I don't think anyone can judge what's right for others. It's hard enough judging what's hard enough for ourselves.

I can judge and my judgment

- submitted by yoton on 05/09/2007

I can judge and my judgment is it's wrong. Not morally, but wrong for the concept of marriage. That's how I feel.

What is the concept of

- submitted by philosopher on 05/09/2007

What is the concept of marriage? Doesn't it depend on the couple? Doesn't it evolve. If it doesn't then it's hard to imagine it's working.

Of course it can evolve but

- submitted by yoton on 05/09/2007

Of course it can evolve but at base it's got to be solid. Moral subjectivism is fine but at a deep level there's an objective truth.

Arghy this is getting too

- submitted by Anonymous on 05/09/2007

Arghy this is getting too profound for me. And I thought this thread was going to be about kinky sex? Where's the thread for that?

Go to Urban Baby, you'll

- submitted by yoton on 05/09/2007

Go to Urban Baby, you'll find it there, pretending to be something more uplifting.

Sounds like fun!

- submitted by WHAAHOOWEEEEE! on 05/18/2007

I've been F*&%in the same woman for a long long time. If everyone is cool with it I'd do it in a heart beat. That doesn't mean you don't love your partner any less.

swinging

- submitted by rmoss on 05/18/2007

Ohhh, you're obviously classy. For marriage to work, there has to be commitment. Going out and "F*&%in" others, whether "everyone is cool with it" or not, is a crass, vulgar, animalistic act that is devoid of love or commitment. If more married couples would make love rather than "just having sex" or "F*&%in" you would find the divorce rate receding rapidly. Just remember, children - true love is when the welfare of your significant other is more important than your own welfare

Quattro

- submitted by starbuck on 05/18/2007

If two couples feel intimate enough to share their pleasure by even exchange, I don't understand why it should yank someone else's chains!

Nobody is forcing you to do it. If you don't like discussing it or reading about other people's experiences, you can go the Sunday sermons and worship under the pedophile priest!

bring it on

- submitted by Anonymous on 05/18/2007

i'mm game....need three ladies at once...don't ask me how i can do it..i did it before

bring it on

- submitted by starbuck on 05/18/2007

What you are writing about is called an orgy!

People here are writing about swinging, which is an even trade, and is done by mutual consent between two adult couples - married or otherwise!

Two completely different things!

If it works for some people

- submitted by openminded on 05/18/2007

If it works for some people I don't think it's up to others to judge. Every relationship is different and people have different needs.

I've known 2 couples that did it and 1 later broke up and the other is still really strong. It's possible the broken one would've collapsed on its own anyway.

Life is short, if people want to experiment or adventure and feel they can handle it, good for them!

It's no coincidence that

- submitted by hypocrites on 05/18/2007

It's no coincidence that many of the right wing conservatives who preach family values and convential marriages are themselves doing things outside their marriages that contradicts everything they blather about.

People aren't perfect. There's no script. Surveys show that close to 1/2 the marriages after a while are sexless, couples are miserable with lack of intimacy, etc etc. If there were more openness and adventure and honesty, more marriages probably would survive and those deadening marriages that do survive barely would be a lot more real and "marriage-like."

its easy to explain

- submitted by Anonymous on 05/19/2007

having sex before you love someone confuses people on how they really feel about someone. so you get that 'connection' from sex, but you might not have the strongest real feelings for him.

these are the people that are married and swinging. if they had just not jumped into the sack on he second date, and waited, they would have found out the person they were with was 'nice' and they got along, 'but the real thing isnt there'. Since they were having sex, it 'seems' the spark is there. 10 years later, the excitement is gone, they are attached to the person, and care for them, but hte deep down love that would make them never want to be with another person isnt there.

so... swinging. surprisingly, i am NOT religious, this isnt about what the bible says. im an atheist. this is just understanding the human condition.

last poster makes some

- submitted by Anonymous on 05/19/2007

last poster makes some excellent points. thank you.

I agree. I think I jump too

- submitted by openmind on 05/19/2007

I agree. I think I jump too fast into my marriage and I didn't feel the full "connection." After a few years I felt bored sexually, I had a few affairs. Not proud of them but that's what I did.

We ended up in counseling and started working on finding something deeper in our relationship. I was skeptical, but I agreed I'd try and, after a while, something new did click. I found the deeper thing I'd not felt at the start. Since then, a few years back, my marriage has been wonderful. I've been more satisfied and connected and sex has been better than it ever was.

I'm not against experimenting. I feel things can work for different people and couples. But I'm glad we worked through our own issues and got to where we are now.

test

- submitted by Anonymous on 05/19/2007

test

test

- submitted by Anonymous on 05/19/2007

test

It's all good

- submitted by The Mage on 05/23/2007

Listen, There is nothing wrong with sex. It is a fun experience and if you enhance the time by adding another person or persons it is more fun. Swinging is more common than you think. And it is a healthier and safer approach to sex than going out to a singles club or bar. Swingers are all looking for drug and disease free people with the same goals. They are mostly discrete and all have their own professional lives. The etticut practiced is polite and the sex is fun. Many will only soft swap which doesn't go far beyond touching and oral. While those that go further require that they know their new friends before the benefits are experienced. In a nutshell, it's a safer lifestyle choice than most single people live. And if you have fantasies about having had multiple partners or situational experiences....this lifestyle give you the opportunity to live them out in a healthy and same way.

Marriages are usually enhanced sexually in and out of the swinging moments and the marital relationship strengthened with this lifestyle choice. Separating the sex from the intimacy. Since the intimacy is usually reserved for the married couple and the sex with others is the bonus. It's after all ....something that goes on behind closed doors.

Thankyou The Mage, what you

- submitted by notsosure on 05/23/2007

Thankyou The Mage, what you say is really interesting. I do have fantasies but I think my husband would freak out if I told him. I love him but I have been bored kind of and I know a lot of my women friends feel the same way.

We all feel stuck. We love our husbands, or some do, but we're different than we were 10 or 20 years ago.

There's a lot to think about but I do agree it's not about being judgmental or moralistic.

My boyfriend and I tried it.

- submitted by Anonymous on 05/23/2007

My boyfriend and I tried it. We did the soft intimacy The Mage mentions. We're doing it again soon which says we liked it. It's true a lot more people are doing this than others think. I couldn't believe a few of the people I met or was told of. Our middle school principal and his wife, also a person in my boyfriend's investment company. I was shocked at first but now I'm excited about it.

Life is unpredictable and so are relationships and I want to take advantage of adventures while I can. LOL

If I told my husband I

- submitted by Anonymous on 05/23/2007

If I told my husband I wanted to do this, I think he'd faint. I don't know, maybe that's a good reason to tell him. get him out of his tedious patterns and me out of my stuckness

about 45 million in the US

- submitted by The Mage on 05/23/2007

That was the last total estimate on the number of people who participate in this lifestyle.

For Me and my spouse. It was more about just having great sex. Enjoying it with each other and soaking in the moment. The visions the sounds the touch and sensations. In the end we go home with each other. And we always make sure if we don't know the other couple we get to know them first over several just friends meetings. We go bowling, dining, movies. We look for other couples who are married, have children and professional careers. Which for us means they have as much to lose if they make a mistake as we do. So the discrete priority prvails over all else. When in doubt there's always protection.

You show your hubby a pic of some of the women he could get with...he'll turn real quick. This is about fun. Not cheating. It's only cheating if you do it behind each others back. But with a lifestyle choice like this...there is no cheating and you can have the cake and eat it without guilt. Its a win-win no matter how you spin it.

Sounds great the way you

- submitted by Anonymous on 05/24/2007

Sounds great the way you describe it, The Mage. I'm going to sleep on and maybe raise subject with my husband over the weekend. He will flip but you're right. If he gets idea that he's going to have fun, he'll reconsider. Pictures sound good too!

I doubt he'll flip out

- submitted by The Mage on 06/01/2007

Here's a suggestion. For his next b'day or just the next time you have a moment in the home where it's just the two of you....if you can somehow arrange that. Hire a stripper to come to the house and dance for him. Shock value is high for that one. Or if you guys can get out one night go to a gentleman's club (stripper joint). Then ask the stripper to give each of you a lap dance. I'll bet after that show is over the ice will be broken.

not too many gentleman's

- submitted by Anonymous on 06/01/2007

not too many gentleman's clubs in my neighborhood. middle of vermont!

Morality Anyone?

- submitted by Anonymous on 06/13/2007

Want to sleep with someone else? Don't get married. Last I checked marriage was a religious institution; they make the rules. Ask any priest. You can't deny it is against everything you promised on your wedding day (unless you accounted for it in your vows).

P.S. I'm Buddhist, so don't bother attacking "fundimentalist christian" religion here. My personal morality is speaking right now, not what some one in the sky tells me to do.

religious institution?

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/27/2007

"Last I checked marriage was a religious institution" Then maybe you need to check again.

From the Merriam Webster dictionary: 1 a (1): the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.

My parents were married by the mayor. By the book, marriage is secular. If a couple wants to bring God into their relationship and be married under the rules of their Church, that is their choice... but the Church does not define marriage for all the world or all of America.

Here Here!

- submitted by Anonymous too on 11/11/2007

Well said, Anon :D

Yikes!

- submitted by Anonymous on 12/02/2007

I just discovered that my parents did these in the 70s. My Dad let it slip in conversation, but was like, "SHHHH" and he pointed to my step mother cooking in the kitchen. Better she didn't know!

don't want someone else

- submitted by Anonymous on 09/16/2008

you all are braver than I.

I just want my sweetheart and I to be closer. don't want anyone else.