Woman 1: All he does is look at the house.

Woman 2: Why?

Woman 1: He says, relaxes him.

Woman 2: (nods)

Woman 1: My husband relaxes standing in the street staring at our house.

Woman 2: What about the cars?

Woman 1: Huh?

Woman 2: The cars in the street, where Jack stands?

Woman 1: They seem to avoid him. Unfortunately.

B-Take: We've noticed this phenomenon in our neighborhood. Guys standing outside their houses a lot just kind of staring. At the house, the new porch they had built a year ago, the roof, a pile of leaves. We don't know for sure what they're staring at. But it's clear they get genuine pleasure out of it.

We asked a few psychologists in our area what they made of this behavior -- normal guys seeming to stare rapturously and pointlessly at their properties -- and the shrinks all said, basically, many men in the burbs at some point start to "personally identify" with their houses, lawns, the things that make up their suburban homestead.

We refer to it as "suburban stupid," a term which has not yet reached the AMA or APA medical handbooks but which we hope, fairly soon, will.

Truthfully, we don't care too much whether some of our neighbors do this. In a way, we wish we could feel so "connected" and "loving" toward our properties. Thing is (apart from the fact that we think it's silly, sometimes bordering on scary-disturbing investing so much emotion in one's house) . . . when we look at our "homestead" we see basically a place that needs a new paint job (way too much peeling yellow paint that used to be white). We see a splintering deck that may not last through the summer. We see a lawn that's got way too much dirt and not nearly enough grass. And a roof that hasn't been replaced in 20 years and, in the next rain storm, might well turn our bedrooms into aquariums.

We like our house, it's reasonably comfortable, but we don't want to look at it too long or carefully -- or, rather than ecstasy or relaxation, we're likely to feel depressed, and find ourselves having to spend too much of the rest of our lives fixing it (or paying someone else to fix it). ...overhear more