B-Rant

- submitted by J.GLARSTEN on 10/20/2007

Hey, Local Governments... Get Off Your Butts, Stop Acting Like Morons And Do Something!

Contributing Writer: J.GLARSTEN

Ever get the feeling the folks who run your local town council or city hall aren't exactly the sharpest tooth picks in the hors d'oeuvre factory?

Truth is, most towns seem to have a rule that a majority of their political offices be held by either the local realtors or travel agents or their relatives. There's nothing wrong with these people (except the slimes who believe that, being handed their offices like birthright-gifts, they can now squeeze as much money out of them as possible).

Many of these local officials (I'm told) are not corrupt or crooks. They're just incompetents. Being a travel agent doesn't offer the best training for managing a large town budget or major capital investments in town facilities or infrastructure. (It does give you a leg-up in finding that 5% discount at the newest Club Med in south Jersey...round trip bus fare included!)

As a result of either the corruption or sheer mental dullness, it's clear that too many local town projects and initiatives are poorly managed, run exceedingly inefficiently, expend amounts of money only Sultans could dream about and, after all that, still often (usually) don't get done anyway.

Our town has had several projects like that. Downtown rehab projects slated for 1 year tops, now in their second decades and almost, we've been promised by our latest Mayor (actually owner of the local muffin store), ready to enter "phase 2" -- which we've been told means the removal of the "first" layer of sidewalks throughout the main commercial areas of town. (Who knew there were multiple sidewalk layers!)

Most people now believe our town Rehabs will never be completed and residents are starting to adjust to the constant bull dozing, clouds of dust, ripping out of concrete and construction-worker screaming as simply an ongoing normal feature of downtown life.

But here's where I draw the line. It's one thing to turn basic construction-development projects into endless budget-crushing tax-exploding morasses. But shouldn't some things, the simplest things, the things that children, probably even toddlers, could do while drinking from their sippy cups at the same time....shouldn't those get done more easily?

In our town, here's one of those things: A Stop Sign.

Three years ago, in a remarkably unified expression of common sense, our Town Council agreed that an intersection in town was dangerous -- the fact that there had been 5 car collisions in the previous 9 months was a pretty good indicator. The Council agreed that a stop sign or stop light was needed immediately.

We still don't have a stop sign or stop light. Since its agreement, the Council has been debating feverishly whether a stop sign or a flashing light would be most appropriate. (After the first year of debate, it ruled out the need for a regular non-flashing stop light.) The Council is split down party lines. Over an intersection crossing. Democrats and Republicans, Democratic muffin makers, Republican realtors, unable to come together, not speaking to each other, the issue apparently too ideologically charged. Meanwhile cars collide.

Of course this gridlock, this pre-infant behavior, is idiotic, inexcusable, a travesty, and so on. But, for me, here's the real (the interesting, near-entertaining if it weren't so retarded) question. Is there actually a difference between a stop sign and a flashing red light?

You stop at a stop sign and don't go until you're satisfied no cars are going to crash into you when you enter the intersection.

You do the same at a blinking red light.

A stop sign doesn't blink. It's an octagonal shape. A blinking red light does blink. It's not an octagonal shape.

I'm prepared to make the grown-up executive decision and say, no, there really isn't an actual -- substantive -- difference. And, even if there is, I'm prepared to say, I (and my neighbors) don't give a f**k.

But the Town Council wants to get it right, members say. They're almost finished reviewing the final study. (There have been 5, we recently learned).

Most people I know have now completely avoided the intersection. Not too long ago, someone put up a sign there that read, "Cross at Your Own Risk! From, The Morons of Town Council."

True to form, it took the morons 2 months to remove it.

Another sign -- changing the word "morons" to "total morons" -- has replaced it. It's still standing.

Is there anything we or similar victims of intractably incompetent local officials can do? Of course, we can vote them out. But our town collective seems incapable of doing that, partly because the "rival" candidates all seem to be related to the incumbents (and, if possible, 'stupider').

We can boycott their local businesses. That's under way too. It may work. We no longer buy muffins. We miss the muffins, but it's our civic sacrifice. (They were too often rock-hard anyway.)

But I like best the idea of one creative resident. He's refusing to take a shower until the Mayor agrees to commit to a binding time table. What's encouraging about this particular protest: he's the Mayor's son. He still lives with the Mayor. Will it work? It may depend on the Mayor's tolerance for stink. But I've had a whiff or two and I'm starting to feel optimistic.

It's not the classic expression of democratic pressure -- becoming a human stink bomb -- but creativity is always a good thing and, at this stage, anything that works (or at least causes the Mayor discomfort) is welcomed.

I'll post an update when the stink clears . . . ....read more rants