- submitted by J.GLARSTEN on 07/15/2007
Confessions Of A Recovering Leaf Blower Addict
Contributing Writer: J.GLARSTEN
I* have a problem. I think about leaf blowers too much. I used to use them too much, when they weren't needed. At all hours of the day. The noise bothered my family and my neighbors.
I carried a leaf blower to places that many people didn't understand. Like to restaurants and (only sometimes) dinner parties.
I thought leaf blowers could be used for a lot of things and I wanted to use them for those things. Like recreation. I enjoyed blowing things, even though they weren't leaves and even though some of the things I blew didn't belong to me (like my neighbors lawn furniture, also once their cat, who was OK, not really that hurt, after the doctor patched her up).
I believe believed that leaf blowers were versatile creative tools, personal enhancement devices, and that we had only scratched the surface of taking advantage of them.
Now I can walk past home centers and hardware stores and not have to go inside and test the new models. I want to, but I can resist. I see my neighbors continuing to use leaf blowers on their lawns, and their landscapers using them to blow things that aren't leaves, but I don't. I'm OK with that.
I use a rake now on our lawn. Even though rakes are hard to find. I don't use a leaf blower in the house, except once in a while in the basement play room. I do not participate in sporting events involving leaf blowers.
It's one day at a time and, to be honest, I felt good asserting my self-control over them, even though truthfully I don't see anything wrong with what I was doing.
Yes, once I decided to blow a pile of stones on a neighbor's driveway onto another neighbor's front lawn, a few houses down (it took only a couple minutes with my X700 upgraded model!), but I had fully intended to blow them back.
I am not a vandal. I am not a deviant. I have a family. I work at a very prominent company in New York. You have heard of it. You would be amazed, like my neighbor's were amazed when they learned who I was, what I do for living. The media, I guess that's my profession. It bored me, though, how could it not, and I think it's good to try not to be bored.
I am fine, though. I am getting better. I am committed. It's before 8:00 this morning and I hear leaf blowers blowing all over my street. As far as I can tell, none of the houses have leaves on their yards.
But I can barely hear the blowers, I am not listening. I am going to have breakfast at the diner, buy a newspaper, probably the NY Post, buy an extra large Dunkin Donuts coffee, and then take the train to work.
Life is good. Life is very good. If only . . . .
*B-Team Note: J.GLARSTEN informs us that the first person ("I") in this piece is not J.GLARSTEN. We're not so sure. Whoever it is (or isn't), the story is amusing and we look forward to further J.GLARSTEN "confessions" in the coming weeks. ...read more rants
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