Trees!!! Tired of all those droopy little trees scattered across your limp lawn? Transform your yard into the best of the best. That’s right, the California Redwood Forest. Now you can buy the Great Sequoias, direct to your doorstep, as easy-to-plant baby sapplings. Sit back on your porch with a lemonade and watch proudly as these gorgeous majestic trees turn your yard into the first National Park on your block.

Sure, the trees are tall (at 300+ feet, they'll knock down electrical wires and most low hovering aircraft); and sure they’re wide (requiring you at some point to remove your house from your property, as well as probably the houses of 6 or 7 of your neighbors).

But imagine the pride you’ll feel before then. The satisfaction of no longer being the target of relentless local ridicule, of owning the lamest most pathetic yard in town. These trees do grow quickly. But chances are by the time they’re grown–and causing problems–you’ll be long dead; so all the damages and displacement and homelessness will fall on your kids and grandkids, not you…so, no worries!