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 Burbia Blogs- added on 01/22/2008Open Letter To The Guy Who Stole My 11 Year-Old Piece-Of-Junk Car
I don't know what attracted you to my car from the hundreds surrounding it in the Long Island Railroad commuter parking lot. Maybe it was the glimmer of metallic silver popping out from beneath the flaking bits of black paint. Perhaps it was the large piece of electrical tape covering the thin strip of what used to be plastic between the driver-side front and rear doors. Whatever it was, something about my 1993 4-door Honda Civic with the deep dent above the left wheel well called out to you. You needed it, so you took it. And that's okay. I'm sure I maintained my dignity walking around the parking lot trying to look like I knew where I left my car for over half an hour. When I finally realized it had left the premises without me, I became concerned because, as I'm sure you've realized by now, the car has some -- well, let's just call them "quirks" -- that you, as new owner of the piece-of-crap car, will have to deal with. For starters, the head gasket blew just last week. Now I'm no mechanic, but, as I've been told, that's the reason why the temperature gauge shoots past the "H" and you get that nice hissing sound when you turn off the engine after a particularly hot ride. It costs about $1,100 to fix, but shop around. Maybe I was just getting hosed. Oh, and you can't just put the key in and start the car (not that you have a key). You see, the gear lock sticks for some inexplicable reason -- alright, I never had it checked -- so you need to stick the key (or whatever you're using) in the gear release to shift out of park. I'm sure that all of this means nothing to you because you probably just took it to some chop shop for the valuable decade-old Honda parts - assuming, of course, that the shop was local enough for you to make it without overheating. If you do find yourself stuck on the side of the road, dig through the glove compartment -- I think my current AAA card is still in there. Maybe they can tow you the rest of the way. So, in closing, enjoy your new possession, which I understand is now legally 9/10ths yours, and may it provide you with the cash to hold you over until you work up the nerve to steal a nice car. I would, however, like my CDs back. Sincerely yours, markbecker ??Tue, 01/22/2008 ?? 16:32
  CDs - submitted by The Crook on 02/24/2008
Hi: Now that I've got the CDs ripped, you are welcome to have them back. By the way, the "guilty pleasure" excuse covers you for the Abba and Tom Jones. How do you explain the New Kids on the Block CD? early 90's honda - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
Actually, the honda civic is perpetually on the top of the "hot cars for theifs" list. Because there are so many, and parts can be moved quickly (time is money, after all), hondas are usually top prize. Luxury Cars generally have more "stuff" to worry about- such as getting caught in it. I'm no expert, but google around "stolen car list" and I'm sure you'll understand. Anyway, funny letter and all, and I hope you get it back! I know what it's like to have a car stolen (albeit a 1998 Civic, which I bought secondhand with no engine) Favor - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
Maybe the guy thought he was doing you a favor? If they could only think of - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
If they could only think of a captcha that would stop human spammers //dedpet haha - submitted by ALex Le on 02/24/2008
your hilarious! blatantly influenced by kids - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
blatantly influenced by kids in the hall. Stolen car woes - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
I had an old Mercury Lynx (Mercury's knock-off of the Ford Escort). It was a heap of junk that I didn't even care to know the year it was made in/for. My sister knew I hated the car with a passion, so she bought me a keychain doodad that said "Answer my prayers: steal this car!" Since it really was my prayer, I kept the key in the ignition at all times and left the doors unlocked, sometimes with the windows rolled down. (It gets hot in Eastern Iowa during the Summer.) Not a single person stole my car. I was a bit miffed by that. Nobody even tried to take the CD player in the glove box or the Soundgarden, Metallica, Megadeth, and Alice in Chains tapes that I had stuffed into the console storage spot. The car eventually decided to punch a piston head through the head and even that didn't stop it, as it continued to drive me the whole 15 miles home, spraying oil and water everywhere and making the most horrific grinding and clattering noises imaginable. I gave up on the car after that, but my sister bought it from me for a whole $20 and had its engine replaced with a bigger one from a real Escort. In Reply to 'Piss' - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
i think you will find he was refering to the 1993 Model of honda not the date that this happened. anyways, very nice message :P That model year of civic is - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
That model year of civic is notoriously easy to hotwire. It's the ease of theft which attracted the thief. Dear Sir What attracted me - submitted by Guy Who jacked your car on 02/24/2008
Dear Sir What attracted me to your car was that it was a piece of crap car that i can just pick up with a toe truck and wheel away with. Yes there was cop there and he asked but all I had to do was give out that old time lie, "the railroad said it has been there for 4 days now and they want it towed." Now As for all the problems, that I'm supposed to deal with I didn't, I just stripped the car and then the profit is looking around 7,000 to 8,000. Not bad for about 3 hours worth of work. As for you Cd's I flipped though them as when i saw the Titanic Original Soundtrack Next to the Loaded and Reloaded Metallia albums i just dropped it on the floor and felt justified. - Lover your friendly neighborhood carjacker. do you really think the - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
do you really think the crack head who stole your car can afford a computer.. For Real? The Crook Answers You? - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
I can't believe that the"Guy Who jacked your car" would just happen to be reading this and respond!! How surreal is this?!? But it is a good laugh, if it really happened; too bad you didn't strip it and sell it for the $7000 - $8000! Hope you find a nice car that isn't so car-theft friendly. B^b Why are Older Cars Stolen? - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
1.)The U.S. unlike Canada does not have bait cars. www.baitcar.com/ 2.)to enable other crimes. Do you think the bank robber will use his own car? 3.)less defenses than a modern up to date car. 4.)fits with neighborhood, thief is parking the car at. If you want your car back, then just cruise the 'bad neighborhood' motel and AUTO repair parking lot. old 'junker cars' are parked at the motel, with NO PROBLEM. 5.)how do thieves (bankk robbers?) know that motel parking lots are not checked by police? - Motel sign in does NOT ask for 'license number' and motel clerk is 'minimum wage.' 6.)juveniles will only get probation at 'detention.' ONE THIRD of H.S. or 33% are dropouts. see USATODAY - "dropout nation" practice at age 15-17. When age 19, then graduate to expensive cars. published as anonymous 'fiction.' 7.)it's the replacement value - use a krooklock AND disconnect a 'spark plug' total of $38. and I KNOW THE CAR WILL BE THERE. How much more than FIFTEEN THOUSAND dollar will-l yourrr NEWcarr and INSURANCE cost??? protect your stuff AND SUE THE PARKING LOT. http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1181646,00.html perhaps it was towed - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
perhaps it was towed See, your problem is that - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
See, your problem is that you don't have ENOUGH quirks in you car. Take my car for instance - the radio or any device in the cab that needs electricity will not function unless you toggle a circuit breaker switch that resides on the passanger seat. Uneccissary buttons and switches that actually control essential functions will confuse future criminals, and scare them off. Open letter to the guy that stole a piece of crap in N.Y. - submitted by Kevin on 02/24/2008
In 1983 I was in the service and me and my buddy {guy from N.Y.} was going to his house for a couple of days after a long deployment. I drove an old peice of crap chevelle and the linkage to the transmission scrooded up on the Bronx Pkwy. And while my buddy & I were underneath it trying to fix it a guy came up to the car and started to remove the carberator, & I said "hey what the hell are you doing ?" His reply was "hey man I just want the carberator you guys can have whatever you want !" car thiieves - submitted by Winnipeg on 02/24/2008
Try coming to Winnipeg Every day high end escalades and similar SUVs are stolen and ruined in high speed chases by the police Your Honda would be safe here Good enough for you but not for the thieves www.aceemploymentservices.net Ha - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
It probably got towed. car thieves are scum - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
a few years ago, someone smashed through my passenger side window and stole my cd/stereo right out of my car. i could believe that people still even bother with that. well, i hope that fucker's happy. my insurance gave me a brand fucking new one that also plays mp3s and has a bunch of fancy new shit, so if he thinks that he "got" me, he's sorely mistaken. if he wanted the thing, he could have just asked! it would have been nice if he'd left a check for smashing my window though... i did have to pay a hefty deductible. actually, of the whole incident, i just wish that i hadn't had to replace the cd that was in the stereo when he stole it cause it wasn't even mine! it belonged to the fucking library! haha - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
This whole thing is hilarious! Yet it's obvious it's entirely very fake haha! Good job boys! It happens - submitted by pbookguy@gmail.com on 02/24/2008
Cars do get stolen quite often though... some tard tried breaking into my 7 series bmw not realizing that A) I had left the doors unlocked and B) the passenger side doesn't have a keyhole so a "slim jim" won't work. I found this out after my neighbor called the cops as he saw it happen. The guy got caught down the street trying to break into a truck. It got towed. Mine got towed - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
It got towed. Mine got towed once right off the street because it had been reported abandoned, even though I had just parked it legally. If your car looks crappy enough, and you park it ANYWHERE that has any level of monitoring (parking nazis), you run the risk of having it towed the second it leaves your sight. Not that they won't eventually chop it up and sell it for parts anyway. Assuming there's any truth to this story to begin with. I had 91-honda, duct tape - submitted by Fellow Ex-Honda Owner on 02/24/2008
I had 91-honda, duct tape held the bumper on. Duct tape held the door handle on. Still got jacked, still want to know to this day why, haha. So funny. I want to know the - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
So funny. I want to know the parking lot where it was stolen so i can leave my piece of junk car there. my thank you note ... - submitted by www.subcorpus.net on 02/24/2008
i know how u feel brother ... i was robbed last year ... and i wrote a thank you letter to the gentleman who stole my ipod ... have a look here ... hehe ... http://www.subcorpus.net/blog/2007/07/03/a-thank-you-note-to-the-gentleman-who-stole-my-ipod…/ the guy didnt respong ... may be he doesnt read blogs ... or i have my RSS feed messed up ... hehe ... life goes on - submitted by Anonymous on 02/24/2008
a few years back on a cold new years eve in south bend indiana someone tried to steal my 1972 impala that i was storing in my driveway during the winter months. the would be thief broke out my rear glass to gain entry to the car then proceeded to peel my steering column only to discover that there was no battery in the car to start it. i took it inside to prevent it from freezing. A quiet riot. - submitted by kenny on 02/25/2008
A quiet riot. to the guy with the merc lynx - submitted by josh on 02/25/2008
Its called badge engeneering... That car is the exact same, off the same assembly line as the escort. only thing different is the badges. Merc and ford are both owned by ford motor company... I understand your hate for the car, as it is a ford and ford sucks, but at least educate yourself before you make comments. You're car has been impounded - submitted by Parking control office on 02/25/2008
for leaving coolant all over the damn place. badge engineering ? - submitted by Nepon on 02/25/2008
Badge engineering Its simply putting two different stickers on a similar product to convince buyers its something else ( better to suit their marketing hot buttons) And you wonder why people had enough of us car companies - at the best they could badge some Japanese cars as U.S. cars there was some Mazda being sold as a Ford I do not understand how someone in this collumn thinks a Honda was badged as an escort or is it related to a separate post of a escort / mercury A number of years ago a simple sunbird / cavalier was sold under a different nameplate as a Cadillac Cimarron When the g.m. engineers were asked at a press conference what the difference was between the two cars they answered about $ 10,000 www.neponauto.com TO: Tony Baloney - submitted by Anonymous on 02/25/2008
Did you pay the guy enough after you set this up to cash in on the insurance? Ford sucks huh? - submitted by Anonymous on 02/25/2008
Learn how to spell before bashing someone's product. You probably drive a Kia Sophia and have a little guy peeing on a ford sign sticking to your japanese piece of crap, back glass. Buy American made products please!!! Oh yeah, Nepon, guess the American manufacturers are the only ones doing that. Toyota & Lexus, Nissan & Acura, just to name a couple you fucking retard. Good but I've seen better - submitted by Jack on 02/26/2008
Read like a dupe, I've heard of a funnier story with a narrative! http://www.ibeatyou.com/competition/04c591/funniest-break-up-letter/entry/85789b/dramatic-reading-of-break-up-letter My girlfriend had an old - submitted by Anonymous on 02/27/2008
My girlfriend had an old Skoda back in the days. It was thief-proof. On two separate occasion someone tried to steal it (door open, glove compartment emptied, cover removed), but could not make the engine start... :D lol - submitted by Anonymous on 03/13/2008
I don't know why this article made me laugh. Good Article, Author - - submitted by Anonymous on 03/17/2008
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I had my 20 year old ford sierra diesel damaged by would-be car thieves, they bent the driver's door frame back to unlock it, then bent the steering column trying to break the lock. I was stunned- when new this reasonably large family car had 67 bhp- yes, 67. This means 0-60 measureable with an hourglass. anyone who ever owned a mercedes 240D will know what I mean by SLOW. I was amused rather than annoyed that somebody would be sad enough to try and steal such a junk car, and then fail in the attempt!! I now have cctv installed where its parked however, and shotgun on standby.  |
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