- submitted by b-team on 08/13/2007Things We Really Don't Like, Around The 'Neighborhood'- Neighbors Who Talk (Constantly) About Their Lawns
We really don't care too much (no, that's not true, we don't care at all) that your lawn is a more brilliant "evenly presenting" green this year than last. Your trick for keeping dandelions away? Ditto--don't care. Your "unexpected success" at turf building without fertilizer...your difficulty in keeping your soil moist...your invention of a "more robust" insect resistant grass blade...? Wow. We're so bored. We're begging you. Please. Just shut up. - Roofers
Do they all go to the same school (i.e., middle school) right before becoming roofers...in which they learn how to be surly, uncommunicative, unshaven and incomprehensibly full of themselves? And where do they get the sweat shirt all of them wear, that faded, dirt-stained, partially torn hoody with the college emblem on the front…a college, of course, they never attended because for them school ended with 10th grade shop. - Mulch
Has any substance more foul smelling ever been dumped so often on neighborhood properties without provoking protest, riots, calling in of EPA hazmat teams?
- No Left Turn Signs
We're old enough to learn which day is for glass recycling and which is for paper, well most of the time we remember. Aren't we old enough to decide if we can make a left turn? - Neighbor Hot Tub Parties
If we wanted to see overweight walrus-like mammals parading around nude and braying unintelligibly we'd turn on Animal Planet. And if we wanted to see those animals guzzling beer, vomiting and copulating we'd subscribe to the Spice Networks Fetish (ugly fat people f**king) channel. - Squirrels
Can they ever just once make up their minds? Either cross the f**king street or don’t; but don’t start, stop, stare at us, start again, stop. We’d prefer not to run you over. But you make it impossible. Squirrels are not the #1 road kill animal for no reason. Possibly the stupidest animals in history (other than our idiot neighbors--see #7 below). - Neighbors Who, Against All Evidence, Continue To Think They're Our Best Friends
What part of, NO we don't like you, don't you get? Stop inviting us over, stop asking if we want to vacation with you, stop coming by all the time, stop talking to us, stop looking at us. You bore us, don't interest us, make us want to throw up we can't stand you so much. Just. Pretend. We. Don't. Exist. - Yard Sales
Don't towns have public dumps for this kind of stuff? - Stone Driveways
What, you went broke right before the driveway guys were about to start paving? Or, you think those 1000s of loose blue-gray stones all over your driveway (and constantly blowing into our yard!) make your house look country rustic, even though you're 0.3 miles from the mall and 0.6 from Rt. 100 and 4 Circuit Citys and 3 Olive Gardens? - MINI Coopers
Buy a car for Chrissakes. You're embarrassing yourself. - 4-Way Stop Sign & Rotary Intersections
So, the town is trying to cause car accidents? OK, you go first, then the guy in the blue car; then us, then...no, wait, you, guy in the red, you're not supposed to go; it's the other guy's turn, he's got right of way; sh*t, hold on, you're going to hit us; sh*t, you did hit us...Didn't you see, know, you were supposed to go 3rd, not 2nd; it was clearly our turn. And now we're going to be late and get more traffic points and our insurance is going to cost more than our f**king rent, all because you, you stupid stupid (stupid) person couldn't navigate through this very simple unmarked anarchic maze.
[Part 2...Coming Soon]...read more rants
|
36 likes 
