- submitted by M.B.Darden on 02/13/2008
Things I Learned At The Apple Store -- Part 2
By M.B.Darden
The other day I wrote a piece, Things I Learned At The Apple Store. It contained some of my impressions (mostly positive) from my first visit to an Apple Store in my local shopping mall. Some of it was tongue-in-cheek, some meant to be funny; and some was meant to reflect in a light-hearted anecdotal way my reaction.
The piece provoked a sh*t storm of reaction. I want to thank those (the large majority) who understood it for what it was -- and whose comments (some critical, some complimentary) were reasonable, connected to reality. But I particularly want to thank the outspoken minority who reacted as if I'd informed them their houses (no, their PCs) were on fire and I lit the match. The venom and hysteria, the rage -- and frankly the stunningly small-minded stupidity -- was refreshing. Like I had said in the piece, I'm a tech idiot. It was my first visit ever to an Apple Store. The piece was presented as anything but a tech story or as something recommending or touting Macs or Apple products; as I said, I could care less about Apple or its products.
What was interesting to me was the "happening" that seemed to be going on at the Apple Store. The vibe and experience. There was a pretty dynamic and positive interplay between customers and store "Geniuses." Old folks and young. People, it seemed to me, were having a lot of fun. Apple, in this store, had clearly tapped into something unusual. The mall was empty; yet the store was filled, like some over-lighted, noisy tech amusement park. Simply put, you just don't see retail environments like this often (if ever). [Remember the Dell stores? You won't soon. Or Gateway?-- how are those cow images doing? CompUSA, Staples, Best Buy, etc.?] This place impressed and interested me. But, having now experienced the narrow-minded insipidness of some of the Apple Haters (I'd never even heard of "Apple Haters" until after I wrote the story), I'm interested in you (Apple Haters) too....
Really, what the f**k is wrong with you? What is it that you're apparently so insecure about? Do you have lives? Did some of you get any kind of education past high school? At work, do you ever leave your cubes? Do you ever have sex (with other human beings)? Is it fun to be rage-filled? Have you ever tried not to be so pissed off? Are you aware of critical adjectives other than, dumbass, moron, you suck, etc.?
Here are just a few of the "negative" reactions and comments (and, yea, not all are limited to the few choice adjectives)....To my surprise, most of them were answered by other commenters a lot more effectively and eloquently than my admittedly flippant responses below. Still, I can't resist a few....
"You totally suck..."
"Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass..."
"I've never met more stupid morons..."
"You are the biggest idiot ever...idiocy is an understatement..."
[These are tough ones. Not sure what "stupid" adds to "morons"; are there morons who aren't stupid?; are stupid morons more moronic than morons who aren't stupid? It's confusing. Same with "idiocy" being an "understatement" -- what exactly would that make me, stupider, more moronic than an "idiot"? The passion is impressive but the clarity, not so much.]
"I have never read anything more ignorant and factually inaccurate as this article..."
"This is the dumbest thing I have ever read..."
[Have you read John Grisham's latest novel? Or that guy's book that denies the Holocaust or WWII ever happened? Try the book by Tolosani, excoriating Copernicus for claiming the earth rotates around the sun. Those are pretty dumb and ignorant too.]
"Go find some play-dough or something, leave thinking to the big boys..."
[I love play-dough, always have; so, if that's your criteria, you're right, I'm pretty dumbass. Thing is, who are the "big boys"? Are they you and your friends? What do you think about, other than stupid? Let's see...that Apple isn't doing well; that the Apple Store isn't a scene; that the fact that it is such a scene and a magnet for people of all ages is, what, made up, dumbass, double dumbass? Guess what, there wasn't much attempt at thinking at all in the piece -- it was a collection of impressions and the impressions were pretty positive about the store, the goings-on, the excitement there. So, fine, you do the thinking and, when you're ready and if your heads don't explode from the massive effort, let us know what you've thought.]
"You're a friggin moron, could you use any more stereotypes to cast people at the Apple store?..."
[Let's see. I observed that the Apple sales people, kind of a geeky-looking crew, were "chick magnets." I also observed that some of them, despite their self-effacing, tame outward demeanors, were aggressive, effective "monster" sellers. Thing is, if the observations had been stereotypical, they would've suggested the Geniuses weren't attracting or flirting with girls and weren't big-time aggressive sellers. Remember, pat, over-simplistic, false generalizations (like geeks being weak and shy around girls): Stereotype. Non-pat, unexpected, individualistic descriptions: Not Stereotype.]
"You're just another stupid moron from suburbia pretending to know what you're talking about..."
[Absolutely, on the stupid moron from suburbia. In fact, think I used the word "retard" to describe my expertise; but that's not a lot different than "stupid moron." I didn't pretend or claim to know what I was talking about; I suggested the opposite, remember? Useful tip: It might be helpful to read the piece you're trashing before trashing it. Also, it's true I'm a stupid moron from suburbia; but I'm pretty sure some people out here aren't. I'm guessing there are a lot of people in the burbs who know their sh*t about computers and tech, etc. I don't know them -- and they may think I'm a stupid moron in that area too and wouldn't want to hang out with me -- but surely they're here.]
"...This kind of anecdotal evidence [that's positive to Apple] would fail a first year journalism student. Hell, in high school that would be marks off any paper...I cringed while reading this..."
[The piece was presented as an anecdotal personal experience. And if you're referring to a comment in the piece in which I said, e.g., Apple has "won"...always good to read the following sentences -- in this case in which I said, "How do I know it's won? I don't." Again, deep breaths, read the 1st line, then the 2nd and, if you haven't exhausted yourself, so on...]
"Your light gray font sucks..."
[Excellent. When you don't like the message, kill the font-creator. Unfortunately, I had nothing to do with the font; but I'll pass on your criticism. How do you feel about magenta?]
Thing is, all the reactions (negative & positive) got me thinking. I wrote the piece off of my first visit to an Apple Store. Why don't I go back again, see what's up now? So I did. And, it so happens, on another cold, crappy snowing-sleeting day in the northeast. I won't go into detail, but here are a few highlights of what I saw -- non-journalistically and as the dumbass stupid idiotic sucking moron observer that I am...
- The Apple Store Was Packed. The mall was pretty desolate on account of the weather. Yet (again) the Apple Store was packed. To you Haters out there, I'm sorry. What can I do? The place was filled. People still seemed like they were having a good time, the lines at the registers were active, there was still a line waiting to get into the "lounge" area.
- Apple Geniuses (or sales people). They looked mostly geeky, as before. They seemed equally competent & aggressive. There were still some girls there hovering about some of them -- but probably not quite as many. Also, unlike my first visit, I wasn't sold a new desk top system. (1 in a couple weeks is enough.)
- I did not observe any moms approaching store managers asking about getting their kids signed up for the Genius Program. But I did ask a manager about it. He said people come in every day to sign up and they can't accommodate most of them. Was he lying? No clue.
- The Steve Jobs Photo. Last time, I mentioned there was a photo of Jobs -- in his typical black garb -- on the wall. This time it wasn't there. Stolen or defiled by an Apple Hater? Taken down for updating? (Maybe Jobs is finally going to lose the black turtleneck?) I asked an asst. manager, but he had no idea.
- Bridging The Generation Gap. Still a lot of young people and older ones playing with the tech toys and seeming to have a good time -- sometimes on their own, sometimes with each other. I'll defer to the experts to determine the significance. But I stand by my observation: Any company that manages to create a happening destination and a product line that gets teens and fogies equally excited has figured out something pretty impressive. Does this mean the products are good or better than the competitors'? No -- I have no idea whether they are or not; and I'm not touting (and never did) any Apple product at all. But Apple has gotten retail and marketing and style down and no Apple critics can change those facts.
- A Place To Buy Furniture. It was a joke, for chrissakes. Yea, the furniture was comfortable. But I'd never buy my furniture at Apple...at least unless they offered me more of their great coffee from the lounge and a few used computer magazines from the lounge tables.
Has Apple "won"? Like I said before, I have no idea really. But here is what I have an idea about. First, to the people who challenged the "Apple-winning" concept based on Apple's market share -- it's true, they've got a ways to go; but in consumer market share (as opposed to business) and in terms of overall growth trends, Apple is gaining huge ground. They're also winners in marketing, packaging, design -- and, as importantly from a business perspective, in capturing the imagination of the consumer. Numerous established companies (including many in the media, some at which I've worked) are now regularly modeling against Apple tactics. Apple has succeeded in turning its products (and not just computers obviously) into "happenings", its brand into a "cool" concept people want to be associated with. It's not easy and tons of companies across many industries are trying to catch up and copy.
As for Apple Stores...I've been told by lots of people my experience is common. Whether it is or not, the fact that I observe things the way I have means something. Because, coming from a place where I really couldn't care less about Apple or any of its competitors, if I leave a store feeling there's something unusual-special going on there, that matters. It matters too that in this upscale mall in the heart of suburbia, Apple is filled with people looking to play and buy -- when most of the other mall stores are largely empty.
As for my being an idiot about buying a new desktop system on my last (first) visit to Apple...like I said, I'm an idiot. But, in truth, I wanted it. I knew some people who raved about the computer; I was interested in trying a Mac (having used Dells for so long). I figured if I didn't like it or became more "rational" when I got home, I could always return it. I had already promised myself a very large gift (though was thinking more like a big TV) -- but (to paraphrase from an ancient movie) sometimes, in the moment, you just have to say what the f**k.
M.B.Darden has written for numerous magazines and newspapers (some of which you have heard of). He has had more jobs in the media & entertainment & financial industries than he can remember (i.e., he's been fired a lot, but then often inexplicably rehired). He lives in the burbs somewhere in the Northeast, with his family and, he says, within 30 minutes of 14 shopping malls....read more rants
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