- submitted by Linda Keenan on 03/03/2008
And I'm Supposed To Feel Sorry For You Because...?
Second In A Series: Victim 2
By Linda Keenan
The current economic crisis has many victims, and one of them is the wall next to my couch, where I literally fling the paper or magazine in disgust as I read yet another sad-sack story of average Americans who finally have figured out they can't afford that vast manse on the hill, the tricked-out home theater, the his-n-her Hummers. My poor, abused wall, that Money Magazine really lands with a bracing thud.
So this is my occasional series that I call "And I'm Supposed To Feel Sorry For You Because....?" in which I pluck a tale out of the paper, and fricassee the latest "victim" of the great American overspending horror show. If I sound like a lemon-sucking shrew, well, on this topic, I am.
Today's Victim: Collie Tuttle, come on down! Collie was featured recently in the New York Times.*
Collie Tuttle, in her early 60s, is caught in this bind {maybe time to downsize, right? HELLS no!} Four years ago, she purchased a newly built four-bedroom three-bathroom house in the Memphis outer suburb of Olive Branch, Miss., for $270,000 {Space for a family of 5, even 6! Or, in this case, just one very ill-advised divorcee.}
She put nothing down {down-payment? That's sooooo Greatest Generation. So old-school, so un-Boomer-like}, relying on her six-figure income from selling furniture to pay down the mortgage, reducing it to $248,000 {How old will she be when she's done with paying off that nut? 92 or something?}
But then she lost her job, and in her next one -- also selling furniture, but at lower pay -- she is being forced to choose between her home and the rest of her life. {But wait, people in their 60's never get laid off, right?}
"It was a big mistake on my part to buy this house." {Are You Smarter Than a 60-Year Old?} Divorced, with two grown sons, Collie rattles around in it alone {OK, now this is just getting sad. And yet, Collie is still pissing me off.}
To sell it for the $269,000 a potential buyer was recently willing to pay, "I would have to come up with $6,000 from my pocket." {No emergency fund? Now why would a 60-something need an emergency fund? 60 is the new 40! Oprah told me that.}
Ms. Tuttle said, explaining that she cannot afford to invade her meager retirement account, {meager? Uh, weren't you making 100K+, honey?} "I'm stuck. I've tried everything and I can't get rid of this house." {You could take in boarders in those 3 spare bedrooms, mebbe. Also, canned beans are quite tasty, high in fiber, and eminently affordable.}
*For clarity's sake, I've condensed these stories and quotes without the proper punctuation. Click here for the full story.
Linda Keenan is a contributing writer at Burbia. Linda worked 7 years as a head writer/senior producer for various programs on CNN. Before that she worked as a writer/producer for Bloomberg TV. She now writes satire, primarily about parenting culture, at Thoroughly Modern Mommy. ...read more rants
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