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B-Rant- submitted by Linda Keenan on 03/03/2008And I'm Supposed To Feel Sorry For You Because...?Second In A Series: Victim 2 By Linda Keenan The current economic crisis has many victims, and one of them is the wall next to my couch, where I literally fling the paper or magazine in disgust as I read yet another sad-sack story of average Americans who finally have figured out they can't afford that vast manse on the hill, the tricked-out home theater, the his-n-her Hummers. My poor, abused wall, that Money Magazine really lands with a bracing thud. So this is my occasional series that I call "And I'm Supposed To Feel Sorry For You Because....?" in which I pluck a tale out of the paper, and fricassee the latest "victim" of the great American overspending horror show. If I sound like a lemon-sucking shrew, well, on this topic, I am. Today's Victim: Collie Tuttle, come on down! Collie was featured recently in the New York Times.* Collie Tuttle, in her early 60s, is caught in this bind {maybe time to downsize, right? HELLS no!} Four years ago, she purchased a newly built four-bedroom three-bathroom house in the Memphis outer suburb of Olive Branch, Miss., for $270,000 {Space for a family of 5, even 6! Or, in this case, just one very ill-advised divorcee.} She put nothing down {down-payment? That's sooooo Greatest Generation. So old-school, so un-Boomer-like}, relying on her six-figure income from selling furniture to pay down the mortgage, reducing it to $248,000 {How old will she be when she's done with paying off that nut? 92 or something?} But then she lost her job, and in her next one -- also selling furniture, but at lower pay -- she is being forced to choose between her home and the rest of her life. {But wait, people in their 60's never get laid off, right?} "It was a big mistake on my part to buy this house." {Are You Smarter Than a 60-Year Old?} Divorced, with two grown sons, Collie rattles around in it alone {OK, now this is just getting sad. And yet, Collie is still pissing me off.} To sell it for the $269,000 a potential buyer was recently willing to pay, "I would have to come up with $6,000 from my pocket." {No emergency fund? Now why would a 60-something need an emergency fund? 60 is the new 40! Oprah told me that.} Ms. Tuttle said, explaining that she cannot afford to invade her meager retirement account, {meager? Uh, weren't you making 100K+, honey?} "I'm stuck. I've tried everything and I can't get rid of this house." {You could take in boarders in those 3 spare bedrooms, mebbe. Also, canned beans are quite tasty, high in fiber, and eminently affordable.}
Linda Keenan is a contributing writer at Burbia. Linda worked 7 years as a head writer/senior producer for various programs on CNN. Before that she worked as a writer/producer for Bloomberg TV. She now writes satire, primarily about parenting culture, at Thoroughly Modern Mommy. ...read more rants   oh my gosh, i love this, - submitted by personfrombankerville on 03/03/2008
oh my gosh, i love this, thank you I have no idea what these - submitted by Anonymous on 03/03/2008
I have no idea what these people couldve been thinking. So stupid. I should feel sorry for them and this one is in deep doo doo. but i don't know, they're n so irresponsible What a great idea this is. - submitted by Anonymous on 03/03/2008
What a great idea this is. Sad stories about idiots who even after their actions still don't get it. She can't get 6K? She's in - submitted by Anonymous on 03/03/2008
She can't get 6K? She's in deep shit. Collie Tuttle is a great - submitted by Gowithit on 03/03/2008
Collie Tuttle is a great name. Now that she's out of the furniture selling business she should consider dog grooming. Hi I'm Collie nice to meet your collie, shall we do a shampoo and perm? linda keenan - submitted by linda keenan on 03/03/2008
this is linda keenan the writer. i will say i did feel a little badly picking on an older lady divorcee. but man, it's just ridiculous. agree, linda. this woman is - submitted by Anonymous on 03/04/2008
agree, linda. this woman is ridiculous. what could she be thinking? i want to feel sorry for her maybe, but she's such a dope, she makes it hard. Who makes 100K selling - submitted by ineedfurniture on 03/04/2008
Who makes 100K selling furniture? Can't she move to the furniture showroom and live there? ineedfurniture has an - submitted by Anonymous on 03/04/2008
ineedfurniture has an excellent idea. collie can move to an ikea showroom, just like the comedian who did it for comedy central. 60 is the new 40 so roughing it in a discount furniture warehouse should be fine for her for the next 5, 10 years. lol You gfuys are funny but too - submitted by Anonymous on 03/04/2008
You gfuys are funny but too cruel. The woman didn't intentionally fuck her life up. She's a simpleton, I'm sorry somebody has to say it. All she has to do is have herself declared mentally incompetent -- brain equivalent to a sub-average chimpanzee -- and become a ward of the state. Problems sovled! If she can't put together 6 - submitted by emergent on 03/04/2008
If she can't put together 6 grand then she belongs in the bad borrower hall of fame. Where were her kids and grandkids during all this? Where are they now? bout time somebody in the - submitted by Anonymous on 03/05/2008
bout time somebody in the media decided to tell the truth about who's to blame. the banks for sure but there are people like these who also are at fault. thank you linda keenan, good job! I like the suggestion of - submitted by pragmatist on 03/05/2008
I like the suggestion of taking in boarders. We did it when things werent so great. So can Collie and her pups i dare say. I'll be 55 this year - submitted by relady on 03/07/2008
& hope my newfound memory loss doesn't disintegrate in 5 years to the point that I buy an even bigger house for the family I think still lives with me. I better shut up or they'll all end up moving back home! I want, I want, I want- but I can't have - submitted by MikeS on 03/08/2008
I want a 4 bedroom, 3 bath house. I want a big family room with a widescreen T.V. I want a 50x175 lot with a nice yard to run around in. I deserve it, don't I? Oh wait. I guess we couldn't afford it. I guess we had to choose between sending our little girl to daycare or my wife staying at home fulltime. I guess we can't afford a single-family home in our suburb with the nice schools; we had to buy a two-unit building so the rental income can assist. To top it all off, my wife insists on a rainy-day fund in case our tenants leave. So I can't even get a flatpanel TV or a surround-sound system. And we can hardly replace our 8-year-old and 17-year-old cars any time soon. My god, I just realized it: We were forced to make... choices!! ...Nay, even compromises!!!! Augh!!! Bummer for us, our house may now be worth less than when we bought it, but we did the math, we can afford it, and we have layers of contingency plans. Isn't that what one does when signing on to the biggest debt of one's life??? I have little sympathy for some of these people... moral hazzard - submitted by fishtop records on 03/09/2008
If they are too poor to keep the house, and too dumb to know what they are getting into, what is the problem with them losing the house? They can't afford it. Where is the problem? They, and the banks, deserve to lose money. this is how capitalism works beans - submitted by Anonymous on 03/09/2008
One of my lines when the budget is tight: "It's a-beans-and-rice month." Linda, your problem is the NY Times - submitted by Logan Flatt, CFA on 03/13/2008
Linda, I love this series you are doing. Keep it up! However, to save your wall the grief, why not just stop reading the New York Times newspaper? Such a rag will tend to showcase the "little guy" who can do no wrong fighting against big bad evil corporations and banks because such drama appeals to the NY Times' lefty audience and the newspaper has ad space it has to sell to keep its doors open. A better paper like The Financial Times or The Wall Street Journal will tend to show you people from all walks of life who do use critical thinking when it comes to personal finance and who make wise choices with their money, when times are booming and busting (it's called having values that do not change with the times). At least try the switch for a few weeks -- your wall will thank you for it! :-) Logan.  |
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