- submitted by Linda Keenan on 03/17/2008
Political Wives, Prostitutes & Reality
By Linda Keenan
These are the questions from the clucking chickens of the commentariat that have incensed me as the tragic Eliot Spitzer spectacle unfolds before our prurient eyes: how could she? What was she thinking? Doesn't she have any self-respect? None of these are aimed at the nubile young woman named in the prostitution case, who, to quote from her MySpace profile, believes that she's "survived, on my own. I am here ... because of my music." (watch out, American Idol: "Ashley Dupre" might be headed your way!) No, these questions are aimed at the unquestionable victim here, the former New York Governor's wife Silda Spitzer, once a high-powered lawyer, who stood alongside her husband as the ritual humiliation played out for our ghoulish delectation.
When I hear people say "why is she standing there with him", their voices ragged with derision, I sometimes think they believe that life is actually a Lifetime Original Movie. A suburban super-mom, played by Valerie Bertinelli, walks in to find her husband cheating on her, screams "get out!", and then goes on to build a thrilling career from scratch as, say, a forensic medical expert, who then goes on to nab a serial killer, not to mention the dashing prosecutor. They all triumphantly attend the high school graduation of Valerie's valedictorian child, and ole cheatin' dad is sitting home alone, a little teary, hugging a 40-ounce. A satisfying two hours for women eager to vent that white-hot rage at men who stray. But if you saw the actual Valerie Bertinelli recently talking about her own rocky marriage, you'll quickly remember that fairy-tales might exist on Lifetime, but real life is a whole lot messier.
I live in suburbia, and I have a strong suspicion there are plenty of Sildas in my midst. They are facing their own very intimate scandals, perhaps not prostitution, but surely infidelity. They are women, and surely some men too, who, at least in the near-term, have chosen to stay.
I know of one woman who is actually going through the infidelity crisis right now. She is someone with young children, and has no independent income of her own, because, for at least 5 years, she's been doing that job that doesn't pay a dime, and actually looks bad on your resume, namely, childcare.
Put yourself in her place for a moment. She is in acute shock. Her husband is temporarily out of the house, meaning less help with the kids. She's trying to figure out how to explain all this to her children, and hold herself together, lest she terrify them even more than they already are. Even though she has a professional degree, it will be very hard, if not impossible, to crack back into that profession at a worthwhile salary until the kids are a bit older. She can't accept the idea of being without her kids on the weekend if she divorces Dad and he gets visitation. This situation is changing by the day, it seems, but for now she is staying, unhappily, married.
I knew another Silda. Decades ago, she was faced with public wrongdoing by her husband, and eventually had to leave the town where she raised her kids and was a true pillar of her community. She chose to hold the family together, finding a job after years of being at home, making the most from the meager funds they had left. Her children didn't know just how lean those times were; it was something she detailed when she was terminally ill. Both kids eventually went to competitive, expensive schools. If you heard the eulogies to this mother, as I did, you would have to be bloodless to summon even a flicker of judgment against her.
I have a friend who believes that Sen. Hillary Clinton set a bad example, for her daughter and all of us, when she stood by her man during the Monica mess. For this friend, it's a character issue, one that keeps her from supporting the candidate. But I hope we can all remember that Silda Spitzer isn't running for anything. She's a mom and a wife and was named after a war goddess and of course I'd love to see her don a pith helmet and gore that royal cad of hers. But for that, I have television. Silda Spitzer has a real life to put back together.
Linda Keenan is a contributing writer at Burbia. Linda worked 7 years as a head writer/senior producer for various programs on CNN. Before that she worked as a writer/producer for Bloomberg TV. She now writes satire, primarily about parenting culture, at Thoroughly Modern Mommy....read more rants
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