Blog by Valerie Block: Cellphone Narcissists: Louder Than a Locomotive

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Cellphone Narcissists: Louder Than a Locomotive

The recent news that European carriers may allow passengers to use cell phones during flight sent a bolt of pain fizzing throughout my body. The skies are one of the few provinces as yet unconquered by the tribe of raging cell phone narcissists who have bullied us all into submission with their endless yakking. They have already ruined transportation on the ground. A paying customer of NJ Transit can no longer enjoy passing through the high points of industrial decay around Newark without hearing about:

A. The progress of a yeast infection,
B. The petty, insensitive behavior of Roberta, whose lack of talent has somehow not impeded her advancement in the company, and/or
C. Carl's triumphant return from vacation in Cancun, announced with serial buoyancy to friend and answering machine alike, as he works through his address book alphabetically, attempting to line up plans for the next month and a half.

Valerie Block is the author of the novels Don't Make A Scene (Ballantine, 2007),...read more

More frequently heard, however, is this captivating conversation, which is conducted at a volume so that the entire car can be enthralled:

"I'm on the TRAIN. CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU -- I SAID, I'M ON THE TRAIN. The six-forty. I SAID, the SIX-FORTY! WAIT, LET ME CALL YOU BACK. I SAID, I'LL CALL YOU BACK! YOU'RE BREAKING UP."

On a train, one can hope that this passenger will get off at an early stop. On a trans-Atlantic flight, I think I'd rather freeze in the baggage compartment than sit in a heated cabin surrounded by constant communicators chewing the fat in stereo.

Winston Churchill found noises, especially high-pitched noises, an abomination. In THE LAST LION, Churchill biographer William Manchester quotes one of Churchill's bodyguards, who said that whistling "sets up an almost psychiatric disturbance in him -- intense, immediate, and irrational. I have seen him expostulate with boys on the street who were whistling as he passed."

Yes: an almost psychiatric disturbance, intense and immediate. But I wouldn't call it irrational -- not if you're trying to read. Encouraged by a friend and intrigued by the ads, I bought the BOSE Quiet II for my husband, for our anniversary. He put the headphones on, and immediately took them off: the apparatus sucked all the air out of his head and made him feel claustrophobic and short of breath. He turned to me and said, "You bought these for you. This is your present." I admitted that I liked the idea of the headphones. Because he is a wonderful husband, he didn't call me immature. I found another present to commemorate our years together and how well he knows me. And I started using the headphones, because I really had wanted them for myself. The ceaseless, selfish gabbing around me was causing me an intense, immediate psychiatric disturbance, every time I took the train.

They do suck all the air out of your head. Putting them on is awkward; the pressure hurts after a while. They are huge and, when not in use, take up a lot of valuable real estate in your already too-heavy bag. Once in the bag, they're deadweight. They don't eliminate chatterboxes on the commuter train, but they do take the edge off, making the tedious details of their lives muffled, indistinct. Wearing them promotes a feeling of control and luxury -- albeit a heavy, compressed, claustrophobic kind of luxury.

The headphones can't help you if you forget them, or can't afford them. What then? Recently, I was on a train without them. Across the aisle on my left, a man in his early 30's on a cell phone gave his interlocutor cautionary tales about dating underage girls, and ways to avoid getting into trouble. Behind me, two female college students discussed suntans and skin tones, each detailing a history of products that had or hadn't helped her achieve the perfect bronze. To my right, an ageless professional woman on a cell phone gave precise, step-by-step instructions to a slow or spiteful person on how to locate food in the home, and what to do to it in order to turn it into dinner.

And I realized that volume is only part of the irritation: content also plays a large role. Conversations like this make me feel old and cranky. With headphones on, I don't have to suffer the narcissism of strangers, or get into confrontations. With headphones on, I can also pretend that Steely Dan is still the soundtrack to this world, and that I'm on the cutting edge. I just have to remember not to forget them. ...read more blogs

markbecker ??Thu, 04/10/2008 ?? 15:13

say it isn't so!

- submitted by Anonymous on 04/07/2008

but if it is, if do they do allow cell phone use on flights, i sure do hope the flight attendants come around with carts offering parachutes. because i'd really rather not jump out of the plane without one!

cellphones

- submitted by Alma@takebackthekitchen.com on 04/07/2008

Once again, I am guilty! If you have kids and commute,or simply want to get into the City to escape, one must communicate with the sitter to strategize, especially if there is a train or bus delay. I acknowledge that it is annoying , but it must be done. Let's just try and speak as softly as we can.... Alma takebackthekitchen.com

Hilarious

- submitted by Rachael Quinn Egan on 04/08/2008

Laughed out loud at- "instructions to a slow or spiteful person on how to locate food in the home"

call phone-free, crying baby free flights anyone?

- submitted by Shelley Ackerman on 04/08/2008

Has anyone thought of creating an airline for the sector of the population who are civilized and remain considerate to one another?

noise pollution

- submitted by Rusty on 04/08/2008

One more reason to add to my "glad I work at home" list. Your story also reminds me of my own noise related pet peeve... every fall, and annoyingly becoming more and more prevalent in the other seasons, is the army of nearby neighbors who drag out their new blowers and proceed to incessantly attempt to blow every bit of sand, dirt, or leaf on their lawns into the road or unwary neighbors yard from morning to nightfall.

My also not being a fan of the sound of a home vacuum finds this now outdoor version ruining what I used to love about cool fall days. One used to be able to hear the soft crunching of leaves under foot and the overhead calling of departing geese. Regretfully, now the migraine inducing whine of the "blower army" has taken over! I actually saw one nearby neighbor recently blowing off his rooftop!!

Ahh, the blissful suburbs.

Cell phones

- submitted by Anonymous on 04/08/2008

How is this any different than listening to a conversation between 2 people on a train? In this case, one person just isn't present. Since conversation isn't barred on trains I see no reason for such angst over cell phone conversation.

Insane

- submitted by Lisa Vira on 04/08/2008

Oh my gosh, that hits the nail on the head!..."psychiatric disturbance". I'm just too nice to tell someone to shut the heck up when they're blabbing about nonsense on the cell phone, unlike my sister that rides the NJ transit regularly. She will tell you straight to your face.

But PLEASE, doesn't the airlines have enough going against them already? I think that allowing cell phone usage on flights is INSANE. They better load up more on the security because it will not be a pretty flight.

Not the same as regular conversation

- submitted by Dan Hyman on 04/08/2008

Whoever thinks "it's the same as normal conversation" clearly has never experienced normal conversation. Compare the next personal conversation "in person" to the next close-order cell phone conversation. No really, do it. Do it so you will truly understand that the two are very different experiences, and so you will never make a naive post in a public forum again. Cell phone conversations are vastly VASTLY higher in volume, partly because of poor connections, partly because of higher background noise in transportation close quarters, but also because no visual cues are capable of expressing meaning. Visual cues are used in person, but not in cell phone communication. The other big difference is content. People don't talk (as much) about disturbing, rude, and/or criminal content as much to people in person. They simply don't. "If you don't like it, don't listen". Well, at those volumes, you don't have a choice, bub. Noise cancellation is the Next Big Thing.

Last point . . .

- submitted by Dan Hyman on 04/08/2008

On the L.A. Metro, you will see 10 people texting for every 1 person shouting into their cell phone. People look up when someone is talking, and give them "that stare" to let them know they are being rude for impressing their inanities on society. It helps keep phone calls down (volume and length). On a plane, however, there is less of an ability to appy peer pressure, because of the limited visibility (but even better audio-bility). I urge everyone to text in close quarters, and respect your fellow humans.

ditto-Not the same as regular conversation!

- submitted by Rachael Quinn Egan on 04/08/2008

Studies show that the brain works harder, and is constantly in a state of heightened anxiety, in the presence of cell phone talk, BECAUSE IT ONLY HEARS ONE HALF OF THE DISCUSSION- causing the brain to try to make sense of the sounds, which it can't do, because it can't hear the other person. Added to this- people seem to shout on cells, and have truly inane conversations that are really annoying. On a train, there can be a dozen normal person to person conversations- but the only one that drives me crazy, is the selfish loud dolt on the cell phone ruining my journey. Why can't people just think, read, or sleep? Do we always have to be TALKING even when we don't have much to say? How about some PEACE?

I disagree Dan

- submitted by Anonymous on 04/09/2008

I have been a Metro commuter for several years and frankly, if a person is going to be rude, they are going to do it during an in-person conversation as well as on a cell phone conversation. The problem isn't the medium being used, its the result of a lack of respect for other people.

As for visual cues being necessary to understand content and meaning of conversations, I am starting to think that's a Baby boomer concept due to lack of technology experience.

I ride NJ transit every week

- submitted by Anonymous on 06/08/2008

I ride NJ transit every week to NY and I agree - people who are rude with their cell phone use act the same way with in person conversations. I am usually surrounded by several rude people - some on phones and some talking and cackling to their friends who are sitting right beside them. The problem with complaining is that you would have to complain to at least two people per car and you are in close quarters with people whose emotional stability you know nothing about. I travel late at night on the way back when some passengers are rowdy and drunk. The last thing I want is to fight with someone on a train - I've seen people give other passengers and train conductors a hard time. I don't think anyone should have to go through that. Frankly, I think there need to be rules put into place about noise levels on trains since most of society has lost all semsemblance consideration for their fellow humans.

While I agree with some points

- submitted by Anonymous on 06/21/2008

That people 1) do need to keep volume down and 2) that it is best not to have conversations that discuss things that you or others might not want overheard -

(And yes, texting is something that can help combat this).

And for the record, conversations that family members and I have on public transport and in public are usually regarding matters that need settling, e.g. such as who will be home when, news that one is late, requests to pick up something when passing by a store, etc.

The issue here is, as others have pointed out, general civility, not cell phone usage per se. Loudness, drunkenness, etc. are issues, no question. Conversation is not.

But I notice that people who complain about cell phone usage also complain about others talking around them, in general (you mentioned the two girls discussing tan products). I frankly think the narcissism lies in thinking that when you are in a public place, others ought not to talk around you at all, which is what I get from some posters and the blog itself. It's not your living room, it's a public place people, deal with it.

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