- submitted by L. Keenan on 06/20/2008
Mediocrity May Reign, But The Burbs Are About Priorities
By Linda Keenan
You know those bumper sticks that some Bush-bashing drivers have? 01 20 09, Dubya's last day in office. I have a different beef, and a different date in mind, if not on my car: 06 24 22, my son's presumptive graduation from high school, the day I haul ass out of the suburbs and head back to a tiny old-lady hermit hole in the big city.
I'm no doubt a self-hating suburbanite, and I give fellow Burbia blogger Rona Gindin props for voicing the unvarnished truth about how she feels about where she lives, and the rampant mediocrity she finds in nearly every nook and cul-de-sac. Except I think she is missing a few crucial points.
The "quest for excellence" in services and culture that she sees as lacking in suburban Orlando exists in only the biggest, most expensive, most competitive cities in America, which number ten urban centers, maybe just five depending on your snob quotient. And no offense, but your city, Orlando, is on no one's hot list (scratch that, it is on my 4-year-old son's hot list).
The only time sky-high standards extend beyond the urban center is when a majority of the people living in that suburb once lived in one of those cities. Collectively, the former city slickers demand quality, and also have the money to pay for that excellence, because within most households, at least one spouse is still working in that high-paying city. Standards follow the clamor, and the cash.
The other point is that people with all this vaunted training that Gindin is looking for don't choose to live in suburban Orlando, or Orlando. People who focus intently on their careers tend to be single, and gravitate to the biggest cities where the greatest fame or fortune can be found. The very, very best or the very, very rich often stay there. The rest eventually have kids and move to suburbs, but not en masse to a Florida suburb.
Typically, the artisan cheese expert or the French-trained sommelier or hard-driving, ultra-meticulous curtain hangers would stay as close to those mega-cities as possible, because that's where the bulk of the demand for their talent is. Likewise, their mate is probably similarly talented in something, and also has a reason to stay close to the money-making centers.
Of course, smart people live all over but in terms of people with world-class cred, there is only a sprinkling of them in the small towns and burbs. Hence, you get, if you're lucky, the one great restaurant, the one beloved hometown designer, the one must-see theater company.
My last point is that comparing the amenities of any city versus any suburb is fraught with peril, because the priorities are completely different. I moved to my suburb for good schools, a modest yard, and because I could never afford these things in a major city. There is certainly a far greater quest for excellence in my school district than the ones in my closest urban center.
Of course, I miss having steak and frites at 11 pm after work surrounded by other carnivorous night-owls. I miss the superior, pretentious theater staged in broken-down buildings and sitting next to Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon. I miss going to Monica Lewinsky's OB-GYN. I miss the fact that people read the New York Times and a few might even be able to tell me who won the Palme d'Or at this year's Cannes film festival (not that I would know, I'm in the suburbs raising my child, and Cannes, sadly, is not much on my mind).
I do indeed miss all these things, but it's my past. I'm simply not the person I was before. What I'm focused on right now is child-rearing and that's true of everyone I know in my suburb, even the ones who work.
In some ways, it's no surprise that people take out home equity loans to build tricked-out basement theaters and chef-quality kitchens: most kids want their parmesan sprinkled, not shaved. Why bother even trying to go that great restaurant? Why go to the megaplex to plunk down 50 bucks to sit through Zohan when you can stay home and watch something more challenging like, say, er, Knocked Up?
Believe me, Ms. Gindin, I wish it were otherwise. But it's not realistic to ever expect that you will get the same level of anything outside a place where millions of hard-charging people are competing for your attention and money.
Tell you what: if you're hankering for a great meal, look me up in late June in 2022, probably in Astoria, Queens, which will be all I can afford by then. I know some amazing Greek places there.
Linda Keenan is a contributing writer at Burbia. Linda worked 7 years as a head writer/senior producer for various programs on CNN. Before that she worked as a writer/producer for Bloomberg TV. She now writes satire, primarily about parenting culture, at Thoroughly Modern Mommy....read more rants
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