- submitted by K. Fisher on 09/02/2008
Kids, Love Thy Nanny.....Just Not Too Much
By Keri Fisher
I'm not the type of person who has a nanny. At least, I don't like to think of myself as that type of person. And since I live with my sister, the nanny is technically her nanny, even though she watches my kids. And since she's technically my sister's nanny (even though she watches my kids), I hate to tell her what to do.
To be frank, I'd hate it even if she were technically my nanny. I'm just not comfortable telling a woman 10 years my senior what to do. So instead, I complain to my sister to tell the nanny what to do.
"Nanny gave the kids lollipops right before dinner, isn't that horrible?" I might slyly say to my sister over coffee.
"Nanny gave the twins ice cream cake even though they didn't eat a bite of their lunch today," I casually mention at dinner.
My sister doesn't mind being the bad guy. She likes telling people what to do.
But really, it's not the snacks that make me crazy. The real reason I'm conflicted about having a nanny is because I'm scared to relinquish control over my kids, to let someone else be their guardian, overseer, and yes, parent, even for part of the day.
Before we moved in with my sister, my older son went to daycare. I'm not worried about the teachers at daycare. But to be perfectly honest, I'm terrified that my kids will like Nanny better than they like me. Which is the real reason I hate it when she gives them lollipops or cake or lets them watch a movie. Because I'm always the one saying no.
Nanny has been with my sister for more than seven years. Nanny clearly loves my nieces and nephews, and they certainly love her. In fact, I have watched as each of them over the years has rejected my sister in favor of Nanny.
Of course, it's only temporary, and they have never, ever, called her Mommy. But every time I saw one of the kids push away my sister's arms and bury his or her head in Nanny's neck, I couldn't help but cringe.
Even at my wedding, my 2 1/2-year-old niece/flower girl refused to walk down the aisle without Nanny. Yes, I want my kids to love Nanny, as she loves them. Just not more than they love me.
That being said, technically-not-having-a-nanny has taught me some things about parenting. A Dum Dum before dinner isn't really going to spoil the kids' appetites; everyone should have ice cream cake for lunch once in a while (Lord knows I do it); splashing naked in giant rain puddles won't give the kids a rare water-borne illness (at least, it hasn't yet); and most importantly, rules aren't set in stone.
Ice cream cake for lunch every day? No way. Once in a blue moon? Sure... but only if I give it to them. Not Nanny.
Keri Fisher is a food and parenting writer whose work has appeared in Fine Cooking, The Philadelphia Inquirer, and Babble. She and her sister blog about their communal household at www.whoelsewantstoliveinmyhouse.com...read more rants
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