B-Rant

- submitted by M. Smith on 09/25/2008

  

Confessions of a Suburban Slacker

By Melissa Smith

My neighbors were busy this past weekend. They went ski boat shopping, looked at imported granite countertop samples, had the windows in the new crossover SUV tinted, watched the kids' elite soccer teams win their games, headed up the Girl Scout cookie sale at the local grocery store, painted the trim on their house, planted some fall bulbs, went to a baby shower and picked up some grass-fed beef at Whole Foods on the way home to the neighborhood barbecue they were hosting.

I couldn't top that. I didn't want to top that. I am so tired of having to top that.

Even in these rough economic times, my suburban neighbors are still living their lives on fast forward. Too many of the people I'm surrounded by seem to be members of an overachieving, always too busy, consumer-oriented, suburban super-family club.

I, however, don't enjoy being over scheduled, over budget, out of my league, too busy and always one step behind the unspoken rules and standards of suburbia. There has to be a limit somewhere to the suburban push of always striving to have more, do more and be more.

My suburban peers would be shocked if they knew the truth behind my mostly obedient suburban charade.

I have shopped at Wal-Mart instead of Crate & Barrel because it was cheaper. I vacuum with a machine that I actually have to push myself. I don't always remember my eco-friendly bags when I go shopping. Somehow I've managed without granite countertops, stainless appliances or bamboo floors.

I don't have a boob job, an immigrant maid or a My Space account. I don't want to get my nails done. I don't have a chiropractor. I've never had botox.

I can't afford to buy hormone-free milk, organic strawberries or chickens that ran free their whole lives.

I'm always behind on the laundry, I have a pile of stuff at the bottom of the stairs, and I owe fines at the library.

I wear shirts in public that have stains on them, I haven't colored my gray hair and I have things on my skin a dermatologist really should look at.

My lawn needs mowing, the furnace filter needs replacing and I think I drank out of a number 7 plastic bottle last week.

My car doesn't have heated leather seats, a GPS system or satellite radio. I don't want to drive to the next town to see the latest movie or to the mall to see the newest store or even 20 minutes to an appointment with the hot new dentist.

I really don't feel like protesting the new power substation location, I don't want to fundraise for the PTA and I just don't think I can volunteer for anything new.

I haven't lost any weight, gone for a run or really bettered myself in any significant way today. And that's all ok with me because I've come to realize, I just can't do it all.

In fact, I often want to wear my comfy sweats all day long -- and they're not from Abercrombie.

I want to speak to my family face to face, not text them. I want to play a board game together as a family, not video games separately. I want my family to eat dinner at home, at the same time, without rushing to or from yet another activity.

I want my kids to play in the yard and have an imagination and go to bed at a decent hour. I want to wake up in the morning and not worry about what time we have to leave. I want to go to bed at night and not worry about my To Do List for the next day.

I want to think more about people than stuff. I want my currency to be the quantity of time spent with those I care about, not the quantity of dollars I've spent on them.

I don't want to miss out on the present by being too focused the future. I want to hear myself think. I want a moment of peace and quiet. Sometimes, I just want to stay home.

My suburban rules don't involve buying more, wanting more or scheduling more on my calendar. In my suburbia, it's OK to just be still for a moment and enjoy what is here, right now. In my suburbia, less is more.

Melissa Smith is a continuously amused, always questioning, closet rebel living in materialistic, soccer mom suburbia. Her work can be seen at http://www.slightlyexaggerated.com/....read more rants