- submitted by L. Keenan on 10/14/2008
Meeting Your Kid's Demands Might Not Be As Pricey As You Think
By Linda Keenan
What happens to the kid who has everything when parents can't afford to keep giving him everything? That question pretty much sums up a recent New York Times article about the forced reeducation of the free-spending teenager for troubled economic times.
Mostly the teenagers were slack-jawed at the idea that they would have fewer iPods, no more impulse buys at Abercrombie, no Super Sweet Sixteen parties where the birthday girl rides in, say, on an elephant.
But there was one quote that stood out to me and made me think there was hope for the parent trying to pacify a teenager on the cheap. She said this: "I love the gifts but I'd really like to spend time with him. But my parents are working harder than ever and they're so worried. I don't want to force him to spend time with me. I can be a real earache."
It made me think long and hard about what kids really want, and how we can give it to them without bankrupting ourselves. Our parents and grandparents are clearly disgusted by what they see as our over-investment not just of money but of time into our children. I've had so many older folks complain that they used to say 'Go Play' and the kids would just scatter. Why are we hovering over their every move?
Yet I've begun to think that a lot of what we think is "quality time" is anything but. Shuttling kids back and forth to activities is not the same as spending time with them. I see this in my own home. On days off from school I had been taking my son to the local Children's Museum, but in a bid to cut back on the cost, I've decided to stay home and play. I've never seen my son happier. And it didn't cost a dime.
I also began to reassess the past and wonder whether parents back then didn't actually give kids more time than they thought. For instance, my husband's father would surely cringe at the phrase "quality time" and yet the outdoors projects were always done with his sons, because of necessity. Wasn't this quality time? It's certainly the warmest memory that my husband has of childhood.
I also recently found a stash of 40-year-old how-to craft magazines for homemakers and when you look at the crafts you realize a lot of them are to be done by the kids simply sitting in the kitchen while Mom made the meals. More quality time, and Mom just thought she was doing the cooking.
So what am I getting at here? I know that modern parents who both work don't have any time, quality or otherwise. I'm not suggesting endless hours of Candyland, which can send an adult into the lollypop loony bin (I know from what I speak).
I know that a parents' time is often money and money is in short supply these days. But pulling your kids into whatever you have to do at home could be of greater value than any tricked-out cell phone.
One of my fondest memories of childhood is talking to my harried working mom while she was in the tub, with my back to her. When I pay even half-attention to a television show my son is watching it makes him deliriously happy.
Now of course, I have the luxury of having a 4-year old. I know he's going to start demanding to buy things and generally ignoring me as he gets older. But as that teenager in the Times made clear, some kids aren't as jaded and apathetic about their parents' attention as they might seem. And what better way to start spending a little face-time with them than to sit down and pay off some of those bills?
Linda Keenan is a contributing writer at Burbia. Linda worked 7 years as a head writer/senior producer for various programs on CNN. Before that she worked as a writer/producer for Bloomberg TV. She now writes satire, primarily about parenting culture, at Thoroughly Modern Mommy......read more rants
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