hearing vs. listening

- submitted by codeamatic on 11/07/2008

Long ago one of my professors explained the difference between hearing and listening as so...

hearing is physical...listening is mental...

essentially listening involves a better comprehension of what is actually being said...

if i'm playing COD4 and someone is speaking to me, more than likely I'm just hearing them...

i'm still cracking up as i

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

i'm still cracking up as i play my 4 games simultaneously!

yeah

- submitted by TheWatcher on 11/07/2008

To hell with marriage, video games ftw!

Not worth the trouble

- submitted by Jaster on 11/07/2008

Any girl who will make you choose between her and your benign hobbies obviously doesn't like you for who you are. Guy shouldn't have married her in the first place.

If it weren't for the kids, I'd advise him to leave her immediately.

There are worse things in life...

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

I am a gamer. My fiancee knows about my nerdness and she is fine with it. I am not overly obsessed with gaming, but I really do enjoying playing Xbox Live with my best friends who live about 5 hours away, plus there are other friends I've met on Live that live in other parts of the US who I've never met in person, but they are people I do play with. My gaming time consists of about a hour, maybe 1.5-2 hours about 4 or 5 times a week, so about 10-15 hours a week. I only game after my fiancee goes to bed also, so she feels that I am spending quality time with her. My fiancee said that she is much happier with me having my fun time with my friends and she doesn't have to worry about me going out to bars and trying to pick up women, etc. There are a lot worse habits I could have other than playing video games. She knows this is a harmless hobby for me and it is something that I really enjoy and I am very lucky to have someone that really understands it for what it is, it's my escape and my way to relax.

As for the guy in the restaurant, well I think the problem is his wife and her insecurities or just overall lack of being able to think clearly and rationally. I feel sorry for the guy in the restaurant and I honestly think that he needs to get her some professional help to learn how to deal with her anger issues and sense of perception.

I am a gamer and I will ALWAYS be a gamer and I hope the guy in the restaurant stays a gamer too!

Tough Love

- submitted by Guy willing to tell you the truth! on 11/07/2008

I’ve noticed that ladies love these types of posts where there is usually some triumphant female willing to break free from the shackles of relationship tyranny. But as a guy that went through this, let me tell you ladies something you need to hear. I’m sure leaving is an option you may be very serious about, and I’m sure you think that you’re so freaking fantastic that any man would love to have you. He doesn’t want you to leave. He’s just lucky you put up with him this long, right?

Wrong!

The truth is, if it has gotten this far, it was likely just as much your inadequacies as his if not more. If you feel that men are primal (most men are dogs…) in your mind, then you MUST accept the fact that it also means he’d rather be ravaging you like a dog than finding some kind of a fantasy escape from something about you he finds insipid! Be willing to look at that too and not in your usual “I’ve tried everything” lame attempts to get him interested in you, YOUR WAY!

Is he right for the excessive gaming? No! But you being “YOU” isn’t going to change that. Your thinking that you’ll just leave and the next guy won’t eventually find you equally as insufferable is also not true. If you want his attention you have to have something worth paying attention to. What is it about you, physically or otherwise that 3.7 Billion other women don’t also have? You can’t answer that? There’s your problem!

Fear not! You can TAKE his attention and without a fight. But you have to be creative and you MIGHT need to get primal!

one sided.

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

What bothers me is that you can let her do all the hobbies she wants to do on her own (without nagging whatsoever), but play a little video games and all of a sudden it's "you're neglecting me".

bitches.

White Men Can't Jump

- submitted by Billy Ho on 11/07/2008

I hear Jimmy.

Well since I don't know

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

Well since I don't know their situation I'm not going to say who was right and who was wrong because it really depends. But if your a dad and your spending a lot of your free time playing games as opposed to watching your newborn or spending time with your wife I can understand why she would be upset. We all have responsibilities and need to prioritize him. However, if the guy was just playing games a few nights a week and not for neglecting anyone then he has the right to do what he wants with his free time. I personally tend not to play as many games when I'm with my girlfriend (I mean like in the summer when I'm home) compared to when I'm in school and shes not around. But if she would complain and make me stop then thats not me being me. But she is good about it and even likes to play some games (a few Wii games and racing games (like PGR)). Plus we go the arcade (Dave and Busters or Gameworks) every so often but she is no where near as die hard as me.

I can see her side

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

I am by no means a gaming freak, but would consider myself a gamer. Being married or in a relationship is exactly that: spending time with the person you are with. While there is nothing wrong with someone playing games for 2-3 hours a day, I can see why she would be upset if he literally played from the time he got home from work til he went to sleep. Not only is he neglecting her, but is undoubtedly neglecting the children and she should leave his sorry ass. That situation is more of a relationship with the games he's playing then with the family.

Not tough at all

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

If my wife ever gave me an ultimatum I would tell her to hit the street and she knows it.

Jiss www.anonymity.cz.tc

Yeah right

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

@ Not TOugh at all: You better hope your wife doesn't read that post or your tough talk will land you sleeping in the bathtub for the next 3 months.

Those guys with fiances..heh

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

For you guys who say your fiance is cool with you gaming and or even shares your interests to some degree, good luck with that. Once your married, everything chances. She's willing to 'put up with' you gaming until she has you legally contracted in marriage, then you are her's. Especially once you have kids. Then her whole life goes from being a possibly cool 'mate' to caring nothing but for those children. She gives up her gaming interests and or similar hobbies. You won't at first and then later things build up and with more kids or her going back to work, she'll start to look at you and wonder why he hasn't sacrificed his hobbies and fun time like she has.

The regretful person will be the man

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

Someone who neglect kids and spouse as much as she *says* he does, will eventually have kids with problems and he will regret it. It may not be as bad as she says, and she may be overly demanding, but I think this is a wakeup call for the guy to reexamine priorities.

What about periods of heavier gaming

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

So my scenario is twofold: 1) My wife is an extrovert and she loves to go out with her friends etc. I'm an introvert, and I recharge best by myself. Somehow, her activity always "wins" in her mind, it's more important, it's just weird and asocial when I game, etc, etc. Furthermore, it's easy for her to go for a few hours and leave me with the kids at home. The reverse of that is not true; I can't kick them out for a few hours, while I game alone at home.

2) There are months of no gaming, but then a new game comes out and I *do* want to spend every non-work, non-kid hour playing that game, for about a week or two. I get the feeling she's not to happy about that either, given that during those times, I'd MUCH MUCH rather be in the game world than hand around with her. I mean, blowing zombie brains out is soooo much more fun than sitting on a couch and having in depth discussions on such and such person.

So as a gamer, I just can't win here.

gaming

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

I've beenmarries for about five years and I have a 10 month old son and I'm still a gamer. I don't game as much as I had before my son, but I still get my game on. My wife doesnt say anything to me as long as I take care of her and my son ( spending time with them), so don't believe that last comment entirely.

I can see her side but....

- submitted by Thallia on 11/07/2008

Every time someone accuses you of spending too much time doing something, it really means they want you to spend more time with them (or doing things for them). Granted, I'm a gamer, and I have known some gamers who spend way too much time online -- I've seen people lose significant others and kids and even their houses over gaming addicitions. I think it's important whatever your hobby is to make time for other things and make sure everything is taken care of. Because we're talking about a married couple with children here, his first duty is to his family and if he can't reevaluate his priorities and do right by them they need to split up.

addendum

- submitted by Thallia on 11/07/2008

That sounded like I think the husband is the one at fault. I only meant he should take a look at things in light of the accusation and make sure he is taking care of things. People don't just threaten to leave a spouse for no reason uinless they're crazy which I realize is another possibility.

fo sho

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

maybe you guys should think about gaames like the old Cliche of D'n'D nerds. while your sitting around trying to level up your significunt other might just be out screwing all those jocks who turnd cop. i've been married almost 5 years two kids my wife works 2 jobs goes to school and takes care of the kids while im at work all day. sure when i have some free time or when im watching my kids ill play games but i try and get my wife into playing games too. you got to get them on your level of thinking. besides your games wont leave your ass with nothing to wipe it. balance is the werd here. you must get your time and let her have hers ... but most importantly spend time with the family. buy games that the whole family can play. not just the ones that are solo FPS or RPG. and you shouldn't want to substitute reality for a fantasy. stop trying to avoid life. if your not happy CHANGE!

So very depressing....

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

I love how it's this inconceivable divide that only men can enjoy gaming and women all hate it once they get married and have kids.

People never (and I mean never) believe me when I say that despite being a huge nerd who has a giant video game collection (yeah, like the kind you stumbleupon with 100s of games.. that kind), my girlfriend shares my interest in games and is 100% cool with it.

In fact, she's talked, quite often about how she's psyched to move so we'll have enough room to set up both our PCs and some of my consoles so we can play together.

If you love games, then find someone who loves games too or at the very least loves you enough to not care about such trivial things. And who says you have to get married and have kids?

I don't get people, why the hell would you date/marry someone who doesn't share your interests and actively gets upset about it? Why have kids if you don't want to?

It's like people think being with someone and just enjoying them and your life is a horrible travesty and you must shack up and pop out some tiny tots at the first possible opportunity.

It's sad really it is....

gaming

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

To: Those guys with fiances..heh

Your post reminds me of the old joke: How are a tornado and a marriage alike?

... somebody else post the answer

Both at Fault

- submitted by Jersey on 11/07/2008

The gamer guy doesn't seem to care that his wife is concerned that he spends too much time gaming, and the wife is being a bitch about not understanding how much gaming really means to her husband. They should never have gotten married in the first place, if they have that much trouble communicating with each other.

Yeah, if your husband is an addict, take the kids and go... Yeah, if your wife is an obsessive nag, dump her as quick as you can. But which one's which, in this scenario? Possibly both!

Similar Situation

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

Communication is the key (as it is in any relationship). Cutting by 90% is unrealistic and I agree with the guy on that point. Simply not fair indeed. Gaming has the same effect on the pleasure center of the brain that is akin to telling a smoker to quit cold turkey or you're leaving them.

Rather than ultimatums, compromise. Schedule out fair gaming times. Trade off if necessary. "Monday is my usual night, but we need to take the kids to (someplace), so I'll trade it for Tuesday."

It sounds like the guy needs to cut back, especially since he has kids. The wife is simply being unrealistic.

it's more simple than you

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/07/2008

it's more simple than you think...

here it is in equation form:

girls > games

gg.

girls > games

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/08/2008

heh. depends on the girl...

Everything in Moderation

- submitted by Angeli'ca on 11/08/2008

Being an avid gamer myself, I can totally sympathize with the fact that people love to play their games...especially MMORPG and Live games where they can interact with others. What it sounds like to me, though, is that the guy isn't just spending SOME time playing, but neglecting his wife and children in order to feed his habit. Drugs aren't the only thing addicting and I have firsthand knowledge of this having known someone so addicted to porn that he would go without electricity just to have it and also knowing someone who spends every waking moment on the game Silkroad online who never spends time with his fiancee. I love to play games and so does my husband, but we know that, in order to have a working marriage, we have to make time for each other and that our children are the most important people in our lives. In a home where everyone loves gaming, it makes it a little easier because we can include gaming together as a family as being quality time spent together, but it's important to get out there in the real world and do things as well. So, I feel for the guy, but I also feel for the wife and most of all, I feel sorry for the children who are being neglected and may find themselves having two Christmases at mommy and daddy's separate houses.

There are so many benefits

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/23/2008

There are so many benefits to staring mindlessly in space I can't count them.

If she can't accept his

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/23/2008

If she can't accept his gaming she needs to chill out. Game free or die -- Nathan Hale, or some Revolutionary guy

ha ha, this guy's a loser.

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/23/2008

ha ha, this guy's a loser. gaming is for losers for lonely men who can't get women, lol

I'm a lonely man who can't

- submitted by philospherking on 11/23/2008

I'm a lonely man who can't get women and I resent the suggestion that's why I game. I game because I am!

I hope this couple gets

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/24/2008

I hope this couple gets therapy.

It'd be a shame to have the kids grow up in a broken home because the "grown ups" didn't know how to resolve an issue. If the guy's playing "every waking hour" maybe he needs to rethink his priorities. I'm a gamer too (got X Box 360, Wii, PS2, N64, SNES, original Nintendo either at my house or my girl's place)so I understand wanting that warm fuzzy feeling you get from blowing someone's head off but I also understand it (should) take a backseat to say I dunno- RAISING YOUR KIDS.

The wife should also rethink how she speaks to her husband. Giving ultimatums like that only makes someone more hostile towards you than they already are. Maybe you'll get away with talking to your employees at work like that but I doubt it would work on any husband with any kind of a spine.

I agree with last commenter.

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/26/2008

I agree with last commenter. Very insightful.Will you marry me, and I don't even care what sex you are?

why be with somebody who

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/26/2008

why be with somebody who doesn't like what you do? you're making your own problems

i may not like gaming but

- submitted by Anonymous on 11/26/2008

i may not like gaming but i'm fine if my husband does it as long as he doesn't do to point of neglecting his family and relationships

Video games are better than marriage

- submitted by Anonymous on 12/03/2008

I used to play video games a fair amount before I was married and found it a fun hobby.

Then, I got married, moved to the suburbs and have a wife who's sex drive is crappy and who bitches way to much and snotnoses who won't shut their yappers.

I should have stuck with the video games - they were a hell of a lot more fun than the life of quiet desperation I am in now

You people are insane. I

- submitted by Anonymous on 12/11/2008

You people are insane. I hate it when my husband plays ungodly hours of freaking xbox. What is wrong with you people?!?!? I think that if you marry a person, commit your life to them until you die, that you shouldn't BITCH if she hates you playing xbox. IT'S A GAME! GET OVER IT! What you need to do is figure out a time where she ISN'T there, and play the damn game of your choice. Then when she comes home, spend quality time with her. A marriage cannot survive if the husband is playing games all.....the......TIME! C'mon! Get lives people!

You people are insane

- submitted by Anonymous on 12/17/2008

I completely agree!!! I hate having my husband sit in the den and play Second Life and schedule wars that the family has to schedule their time around! The only time he talks to me or the kids is when we happen to pass by his room. He is completely missing out on the kids and has lost their respect. They now don't play video games anymore since they see what it has done to their dad. In fact, they are too embarrassed to have friends over or tell friends that their dad plays video games. It is like a big secret. I can't get him to wake up and I know he will one day when the kids are gone and really regret this. Kids only live with their parents a short time! There is also the effect it has on our marriage. I get more attention from my colleagues at work when I stop by their office than my own husband. I also am the sole worker when it comes to chores at home, cooking dinner, shopping and raising the kids. I don't want to fight in front of the kids and wouldn't want to hurt them by ending the marriage so I just keep trying to get him to wake up. This truly is an addition. YOU ALL NEED TO WAKE UP! If we raise kids to play games, who will run the world? What kind of example are you setting? Go outside! Play a game! Get tickets to a sporting event or show! Go out to dinner with friends! Go golfing, bowling, skiing, ice skating, play tennis, play basketball, play chess....the list is endless and much more enjoyable than that damn tv screen. So pull your butt off of that chair and communicate with someone by looking into their eyes! Get some fresh air and you will never want to sit in that stuffy room staring at blinky lights again. If that doesn't get you moving, take a video of yourself playing games...NOT ATTRACTIVE! The word LOSER comes to mind!

from a wife's POV.

- submitted by Anonymous on 01/11/2009

Reading the post, and the comments, has been interesting. Lost of people are thinking in black and white terms, based on their own biases (gamer vs. ignored partner.)

While it's hard to say what the exact situation in that marriage was, and how they got to the ultimatum, but from someone married to a 50 year old gamer, I feel the wife's pain in that story.

Guess what? Young gamers grow into old gamers. It's more of a personality issue than the choice of games. It can totally be an addiction and distraction from responsibility or closeness. I'm married to a guy that will give up having dinner with the fam, spending time with me or the kids, taking care of things around the house, just to game. To be honest, it's not the games that are the problem... he will do the same thing with youtube, some tv shows, and playing music.

Gaming is cool if it's a hobby, IN BALANCE with the rest of your life. But it's an escape for too many grown men, and has no lasting value in their lives. It's fun.. yeah.. so are lots of things, but we have responsibilities and relationships that need attention, too.

I think the wife in that story was wise to issue the ultamatim, and hope that she follows up. No one deserves to be ignored and treated like hired help to care for the house and kids. women are much stronger on their own anyway -- why put up with his boring asss for the pleasure of cleaning up after him while he plays his hobby 24/7.

Wow, I don't get this. I

- submitted by SupaSkankDDD on 01/25/2009

Wow, I don't get this. I play videogames about as much as my husband. Maybe people should like try to make sure they have common interests as friends before making committments. I mean you're gonna be living with this person for years, decades, or maybe even until you die. You should probably have more in common than wanting to screw each other a lot. And if you start resenting each other, I suppose even that goes away. People make no sense to me.

something

- submitted by tricky11 on 02/05/2009

You should know your responsibility and limitations. You should know when to stop. Will you give up your family for a <a href="http://wowgoldpig.com" title="wow gold">wow gold</a> crap?

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Jaster You are an idiot

- submitted by Anonymous on 06/12/2009

Jaster, you obviously aren't married nor will you ever be. Grow up loser.

to much time playing games

- submitted by Anonymous on 08/18/2009

Well I have been married 6yrs and my husband has played games every now and then but now he has got this xbox live crap and he is on it from the time he gets off from work till the time he goes to bed which sometimes is 3-5 am and somedays he has to be at work early. I take care of our three girls I have a 4yr 2yr old and 2month old and I keep house clean clothes washed and supper on table when he gets off.. I will be asking him to get something for me and He tells me to wait cause he's busy. I dont know what I should do we have been intimate for a while and im starting to wonder if he even thinks about me that way anymore I really need some input. I do love him with all my heart but I cant be mom and dad..

Life after the Game

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/17/2009

When a guy asks a girl to marry him, what is he thinking? After a couple of months of newlywed bliss, the "old lady" is going to be posted in the kitchen ready and waiting for "game boy" to holler out his beverage of choice as she picks herself up from mopping the floor and rushes him his request making sure not to peep a murmur or interrupt HIS GAME. The same can be said for sport fanatics but at least that only lasts for a season...gaming is a never ending addiction. If the guy wants to spend his life sitting in front of a TV screen, he should not be dragging someone else into his life only to have them stand back in the shadows. For those women who have responded that they "don't get it" because they are gamers too, I hope there are no little children in the mix. Oh, hey...I get it. The gene pool has created a family of big and little gamers who do nothing but play games together. Impressive!!

Very interesting topic!! I

- submitted by veronica on 11/05/2009

Very interesting topic!! I also agree with your post, sometimes people get addicted of video games and they forgot their important works. I am also a crazy about video games especially <a href="http://www.playedonline.com/category/Puzzle/1.html">puzzle games</a>.

Gamer Wife, Guilty!

- submitted by Anonymous on 12/02/2009

Hello Guys! I actually found this because I am a wife of gamer, and a gamer myself to a degree. We have two kids and I am OK with my husband playing video games online. And he games at least 2-5 hours a day (if not more since being laid off). The only issue I have is because I wish there were more things that we all did together. But then I just remind myself I need to ask him. I was looking for other women who are ok with their men gaming. Apparently around other women, I feel pressured to NOT be ok with it. But it is something he loves, and if not, he'd be bugging me to "put the kids" to bed to have sex like 10 times a day.

Don't ask me why other women are like that. I wish I knew. It doesn't make sense to me, except they have a skewed perception of feminism.

WTF.

- submitted by Anonymous on 12/24/2009

WTF, are you kidding me with your "a skewed perception of feminism"? Gaming is bullsh*t. I have been married to my husband for 6 years. First it was XBOX Live (Halo, etc), then it was WOW, and now XBOX Live again. For 6 f^cking years I have been waiting for him to grow up. When we had our first child, I thought he'd give it up some...boy was I wrong. I am now 34 weeks pg with our 2nd child, a housewife, and stay at home mom to our 2.5 year old. I am so stressed out. Plus, I have 5 weeks till I deliver and I can't even get him to finish the baby's room. He is always on a game...he bitches about work, about being asked to do things around the house (things like taking out the trash, fixing the toilet, hanging Christmas lights,cleaning up after himself), and taking care of our son (like changing poopy undies/diapers). From the time he comes home to the time he goes to bed its video games. If he's not playing a video game, which is rare, he's zoned out sitting in the recliner ignoring me and his son and has to promptly go to bed at 11:00pm. There's been MANY nights he has skipped out on going somewhere (like to take our son to look at Christmas lights this year), nights he's not eaten supper with us, times he's passed up sex, and work nights he's stayed up playing without going to bed. So, maybe this woman was right in giving the ultimatum. I know I have given it myself...but have never found the strength to follow through. I can't bring myself to take my child away from his father, but his father never really even spends any time with him. How can I divorce someone and then be ordered to let my children to be under his supervision without a responsible adult there? Honestly, I wonder every day what is so bad about me and his son that he'd give it all up for video games? I give him whatever he wants when he wants it, and I get in return is being told that I "bitch too much".

wait a min.

- submitted by old school gamer on 12/29/2009

All the women on here who have husbands who play all day long and don't help out.You can't compare that to casual gaming.Gaming is not bulls*it.You living situation is. I'm in the same boat as the guy in our story.Wife thinks gaming is a total waste of time.Only difference in my story is that I game only when she is at work.So the whole time she here at home we spend time together.But still I was given the same ultimatum.It will be easier for us to split cause we have no kids together and we kept our money separate. I don't understand why women get so upset with casual gamers.I'm not on it all waking hours and I help out around the house. Not sure which way I'm going to go but I think I'm leaning more towards leaving.If I told the wife I will give up gaming forever I'd be lying to her and myself.