- submitted by slevenstein on 04/24/2009
Dog The Bounty Hunter & His "Bouncy" Wife Beth: Neither Artful Nor Entertaining
By Steve Levenstein
I watch TV but make no mistake, I don't just sit there. I mean, I DO just sit there but I don't just take what's dished out. I always try to give a new show a chance before consigning it to the Flip Past file, and the shows I decide aren't worth watching are simply dismissed without a further thought. Most of them, that is, but not "Dog The Bounty Hunter", which has gripped my wondering mind like a starving pit bull on, well, another starving pit bull.
DTBH nags at me because it refuses to fit neatly into The Universe As I See It. There's just too much about the show, the cast and it's place on the television continuum that doesn't add up -- and I like things to add up. Shall we get started? Pull up a sofa.
Duane Chapman, or Dog as he likes to call himself, isn't so much a reality show character as an unreal cartoon character. Not that there's anything wrong with that, TV is full of them: reality shows, cartoons and characters, but in Duane we have an unappetizing dog's breakfast that goes down like champagne and Alpo. Sure, I understand Dog is a colorful dude, he did time in prison and he just might have achieved his wish to be "the world's best bounty hunter" after rounding up over 7,000 scofflaws over 30 years -- the stats don't lie -- but when I think of a bounty hunter, what comes to mind is Clint Eastwood's cigar-smoking drifter in The Good, The Bad & The Ugly. Ultra low key, doesn't say much, brings Tuco to the local sheriff, collects his $2000 and moves on. Of course, he brings Tuco to the next local sheriff the next day and collects $3000 but that's by the by.
Low key is what a bounty hunter should be. Should exude. Bounty hunters are modern day ninjas, no? Stealthy and silent, they dress in black so as not to attract attention. Dog and his cronies (puppies?) also wear black but that's where the comparo ends. Think about it... your job is to hunt down and arrest those who want with every fiber of their existence NOT to be found, so what do you do? If you're Dog & Pony Show, you cruise down the street in a motorcade the flippin' President would envy, followed closely by a camera crew recording the whole traveling circus. Top it off, literally, by flaunting the most outrageous mullet to come down the pike since Joe Dirt. If the whole raucous road show doesn't tip off The Usual Suspects, they damn well deserve to be caught. Either that or Tommy the deaf dumb & blind boy jumped his bail again.
Once the caravan of SUVs has rolled to a halt, out come Dog, his mind-bogglingly top-heavy wife Beth, and various assistant bounty hunters and huntresses who take their fashion cues from Chapman or a number of faded Eighties rockers, like that Twisted Sister guy. THESE are the people who are taking down & taking in dangerous ne'er-do-wells? One guy sports a ponytail a foot long... any perp worth being bounty hunted is gonna grab onto that cat-swinger and make like Tarzan. God forbid if there's a chase, with the team's assorted bangles, beads & hair accoutrements jangling like a volunteer fire brigade and reflecting light like an animated hall of mirrors. And did I mention Dog's mind-bogglingly top-heavy wife Beth? I may have... hey honey, ever thought of siccing those puppies on the criminal element? They're obviously just bursting to bust outta there, and it would make the show doubly entertaining. Change the name to Beth the Bouncy Hunter, give Beth the lead role and I just might start watching again.
Last and not least, and speaking of "entertaining", exactly why is Dog The Bounty Hunter being shown on the Arts & Entertainment network?? I know the various specialty channels have strayed far from their mandates (I'm talking to you, The Learning Channel) but DTBH is more suited to Spike, is it not? A&E compounds the problem by running hour after hour of Dog in prime time for no reason I can fathom other than they don't actually have anything arty or entertaining to put on anymore. Unless A&E now stands for Annoying & Exaggerated, in which case Dog, Beth & the rest of the litter fit right in.
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Steve Levenstein was born & raised at the then-northern edge of metro Toronto, Canada. Looking through the prism of the suburbs has not only given him a slightly skewed view of society, but has also helped frame the wider world as a series of variations on a theme. Closer to home, Toronto's multicultural mix acts as a rich, vibrant tonic -- an essential elixer that, by putting people out of their place, highlights the common humanity which lies within.
After a 15-year dip in the corporate pool, Steve abandoned the daily commute to focus on his first love, writing, and spending time with his family. Steve's wife of 18 years hails from Tokyo, Japan, and provides a unique window into the delights and diversions of modern Japanese culture while his 2 sons (the younger an established tech blogger in his own right) help keep the house from getting too quiet. Steve writes for a number of respected blogs including InventorSpot, WebUrbanist, Dark Roasted Blend and The Thinking Blog.
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