You see them in gardens, peeking out from shrubbery; they even star in TV commercials for an online travel agency, for some odd reason. They're garden gnomes, and love 'em or hate 'em they're a fixture of the suburban landscape. The question is, WHY??

The whole phenomenon of garden gnomes is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, sealed in a mayonnaise jar under Funk & Wagnall's porch just to be safe. Think I jest? Think again... some people LOVE gnomes and too many is never enough. On the other hand, some hate the colorful ceramic or (shudder) plastic statues with such a fervent passion they even resort to theft. Gnome-napping, as it were, practiced by a number of Garden Gnome Liberation Fronts (I kid you not, go ahead and Google it). It's a black & white issue even without bringing those ultra politically incorrect lawn jockeys into the picture -- ironic, isn't it, that some sort of statutory statuary segregation has slithered snakelike into the garden. But I digress. The pink flamingos may have flown the coop but garden gnomes remain, and no man knows why. Maybe Gnome Man knows why... how else to explain the inexplicable persistence of garden gnomes on our otherwise picture perfect lawns?

Steve Levenstein was born & raised at the then-northern edge of metro Toronto...read more

Since science and reason are at a loss to explain the popularity of garden gnomes, I'm resorting to another theory: Unintelligent Design, under the benevolent direction of Gnome Man. Oh, I tried applying the scientific method -- it's a fact that modern garden gnomes originated in Germany around 150 years ago and the country is awash with 25 million of them today. That works out to just over 1 gnome for every 3 Germans, tempting odds, ja?

This led me to wonder if gnomes were a smaller, terracotta subspecies of Neanderthal Man much like those extinct Hobbit Humans of Indonesia. Nah, I'm going with Gnome Man, He of the conical troll hat and flowing beard which represent His unconditional love for all creatures great and small. Gnome Man is no garden variety God... check that, He's totally garden-variety and demands little from His followers but that we mind our weed-whackers. Now that's a philosophy we can all get behind!

So then, with the Eternal Question put to rest, one can ponder the Great Decision we all must make: to gnome or not to gnome? I think the answer is obvious, don't you? From Tucson to Tucumcari, Tehachapi to Tonopah, gajillions of generic gardens await their mischievous miniature minders. Patient, they are... and Gnome Man can say when they will arrive or when they will leave, such is His flower power. Now if you'll excuse me, it's time to pray - as an independent thinker I worship Gnome Man. Lessee now, do I bow towards Nome, Alaska or Trollhättan, Sweden? ...read more blogs