- submitted by s.becker on 07/01/2009
Commerical Radio Voice Behind Joseph A. Banks Clothing Retailer Commits Suicide
By Steve Becker*
[Burbia Satire Wire] Irwin Schlictel, the commercial radio voice behind the Joseph A. Bank Men's Clothier franchise, has committed suicide, stunning the corporation, and a nation, that had grown accustomed to his signature, creepy enthusiasm.
Schlictel explained in a last note,"My forced excitement for the store's clothing sales has left me with no will to live."
Schlictel is famous for the precious, unctuous tone of marvel he managed to summon for a series of the store's radio commercials trumpeting their "markdowns" as earthshattering, seminal events.
Friends disclosed in confidence that, privately, Schlictel had grown weary at having to contrive and maintain his inauthentic sense of wonderment.
Schlictel, they added, was also proud of his determination "never to wear" the pretentious clothier's products, wearing "only clothes from Target."
Flags at the franchise's stores were flying at half-mast all week.
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*Burbia Satire Warning. For those in doubt, yes, this piece is satire. Nothing in it is true...other than the logical speculation that the radio voice of Joseph A Banks surely must at some point either spontaneously combust from his (its) own forced enthusiasm or ultimately take his own life.
Steve Becker, whose fiction and non-fiction have appeared in many publications, has visited a Joseph A Banks store but claims never to have purchased clothing at one. ...read more rants
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