What's wrong with you

- submitted by colonel on 03/02/2007

What's wrong with you people? Ever hear of the video store, renting a movie?

there's nothing wrong with

- submitted by Anonymous on 03/02/2007

there's nothing wrong with US people. if people want to experiment, what's wrong with that?

What did you guys have for

- submitted by Tastytreat on 03/02/2007

What did you guys have for dessert. Something whipped creamy, I hope. Yum.

i seem to be missing out

- submitted by jillfromburbs on 03/02/2007

i seem to be missing out from all this wildness. i'm not sure i'd really want to do this. but i live in a dreary nyc suburb, boring, boring, and i wish there were things going on like this!

Jill, there may be, but you

- submitted by tastytreat on 03/02/2007

Jill, there may be, but you just don't know about it. Look around a little more.

My guy and I have tried this once or twice. Felt insane sort of. And believe me you couldn't live in a more conservative town than us. CT horse country heaven (or hell).

i read where these swinging

- submitted by avidreader on 03/02/2007

i read where these swinging clubs or whatever are on the upswing because so many people are bored or dissastified.

i don't think i could do it. an affair, that's different. but doing it WITH my husband, too weird.

It was weird. The guy who

- submitted by experimenter on 03/02/2007

It was weird. The guy who was my partner was really cute, though, and he felt as embarrassed as I. His wife put him up to it and it was his first time too.

When we see each in town we smile. It's a little cool in that way. We'll never be together again and yet we shared something so....unconventional. I like that part of it to be honest.

are the sex what do you talk

- submitted by guru on 03/02/2007

are the sex what do you talk about with your swinging "mate"?

OK, I did this and afterward

- submitted by Anonymous on 03/02/2007

OK, I did this and afterward it was very uncomfortable. We barely spoke and I couldn't get out of the room fast enough.

i meant "after" the sex....

- submitted by guru on 03/02/2007

i meant "after" the sex....

a group of us were sitting

- submitted by uncertain on 03/02/2007

a group of us were sitting around somebody's livingroom and 1 friend did suggest this. we all laughed, thinking she was joking. she wasn't.

1/2 of the group sounded interested. other 1/2 (including me and my partner) weren't. i was amazed. i think they did something at some point. but i never brought it up with them.

do you think there's

- submitted by guru on 03/02/2007

do you think there's something about suburbia that encourages this? like it's static, flat and so people want to make it more uneven?

No, I think it happens

- submitted by Anonymous on 03/02/2007

No, I think it happens everywhere. Maybe not a lot, but it's not confined to suburbia.

But I have heard from a few friends on the left coast that it's not totally uncommon.

Whatever happened to good

- submitted by clowny on 03/02/2007

Whatever happened to good old fashioned tupperware parties!?

What happened after the

- submitted by joaniegal on 03/02/2007

What happened after the tupperwear was shown around. Maybe more than just making jello mold.

i love jello mold. don't see

- submitted by lucky on 03/02/2007

i love jello mold. don't see that enough anymore more. guess we have to hold some key parties in order to get some.

i think the suburbs do

- submitted by culdesacgirl on 03/02/2007

i think the suburbs do encourage taking more risks like this. especially for those of us who used to live in cities or lived more regularly with lots more stimulation.

it's a little juvenile maybe. but it's a rush feeling you're doing something outside the norm. especially when being in the burbs feels so much a part of the norm

we tried switchign partners

- submitted by culdesacgirl on 03/02/2007

we tried switchign partners after a bunch of us were completely relaxed, great wine, and somebody made a challenge.

oh my god, it was nice, different. only once we did it and i still smile now.

talked about it with my wife

- submitted by Adventurer on 03/03/2007

talked about it with my wife last night. she's definitely definitely not interested. i'll have try it without her

Don't be a pig adventurer.

- submitted by Anonymous on 03/03/2007

Don't be a pig adventurer. If your wife doesn't want to do it, grow up and value your marriage.

My husband once asked me if i wanted to try a 3-some. I laughed. He knew never to ask me that again.

my wife and i play a game

- submitted by carefulbutcool on 03/03/2007

my wife and i play a game every 3 months. we each make a crazy adventurous dare to the other.

we agree we each have to accept at least 2 of the other's once a year.

sometimes it's sex related, sometimes not. never swinging. but...maybe this year.

I like the idea of

- submitted by CarolB on 03/03/2007

I like the idea of exchanging dares or challenges, as long as they're not coercive.

It's important to incorporate some excitement abnd thrill into a long term relationship. Otherwise, divorce rates aren't so high for no reason.

my dare to my wife is that

- submitted by kingminus on 03/03/2007

my dare to my wife is that she ask her mother not to come over at least for 1 whole week.

think she'd rather swing, or even do bestiality, than face that challenge!

This is why I live in a city

- submitted by Anonymous on 03/03/2007

This is why I live in a city and not the suburbs. The problem with small towns isn't the lack of decent culture, food, movies or shopping -- and it certainly isn't a lack of interesting people. The problem with small towns is BOREDOM. And boredom leads people to do desperate things for stimulation.

Look, you're either a swinger or not. And few people are built for it. Some marriages are meant to stay together, some aren't.

Face yourself. It's the only way...

I agree with last poster. I

- submitted by smalltowner on 03/04/2007

I agree with last poster. I live in pretty small. And we used to be in the city. We do get bored. We actually tried or thought about doing swinging or something like it.

But we just couldn't. It wasn't us. We don't think it's wrong, or right. But we just couldn't. We went into marraige counseling, and now we'er still bored but our marriage is a little more honest and solid.

sometimes you don't know

- submitted by carefulbutcool on 03/04/2007

sometimes you don't know what your are until you try it.

also people and couples do change. that's natural. so i'm not sure you're either 1 thing or the other.

I live in the burbs am I'm

- submitted by happybut on 03/04/2007

I live in the burbs am I'm not really bored. I exercise, I read a lot, I'm glad to be out of the city.

Am I a swinger? No. But that doesn't mean under the right circumstances I would try and enjoy it. You can still be basically happy and want to explore and try new things.

My sex life is good to OK with my husband. But after 17 years, you know.So, I could be ready for "spice." But I'm not unwhole without it or unhappy.

look, why don't you guys

- submitted by recexpert on 03/04/2007

look, why don't you guys start doing more exercising. it's a lot less complicated and less likely to screw up your relationships.

every try lawn croquet. very exhilarating!

Yes, tackle lawn croquet is

- submitted by joeguy on 03/04/2007

Yes, tackle lawn croquet is excellent. Put on the pads and go for it.

Who needs sex when you can hit a wooden ball through a metal ring on the lawn.

I need sex and tackle lawn

- submitted by jennifernotmyrealnamebutilikeit on 03/04/2007

I need sex and tackle lawn croquet, however enticing, doesn't seem an attractive alternative.

Once a month, my partner and do bondage. It's great. We play act and get really into it. Next day my husband gets his suit on and heads down to NYC to some white shoe law firm and I just laugh laugh.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm married to a guy who wants to be at a place like that. But that's another story.

Naked scrabble. Try it. It

- submitted by gameplayer on 03/04/2007

Naked scrabble. Try it. It save our marriage. I let him win. A necessary evil that had its later benefits.

we once went to the

- submitted by ohmygod on 03/04/2007

we once went to the playground around the jungle gym. there were beer cans from the local teenagers.

oh my god, 6 of us. i cringe and smile simultaneously still thinking about.

swinging in the burbs

- submitted by Anonymous on 03/07/2007

We are both in our late forties, and tried something like it, maybe. Walking nudist beaches. We were very surprised at all the variety, some very attractive, some very ugly. Nonetheless we did stop and talk to an attractive married couple and even though there was no outward sex, it was exciting to look at another attractive body and have them look us over too. I never thought I would feel this way, but when the other guy was really looking my wife over I was very proud of the way she looked and it also gave me a chance to really look his wife over. Did we do anything no, was it exciting yes. And when we went back to the hotel we had a fun night.

a good thing

- submitted by single n happy on 04/05/2007

Why do you people get married anyways, marriage is a good thing, thats it, no swinging no sex with other people. If you want that just don't get married stay single but don't ruin the respectability of a marriage. Hey, if you're so good lookin yourself and you find other people as good looking then I'm sure you'll be able to have sex with whoever even if you are single and 45. There's no point in marriage if you decide to have sex with someone else, the whole ceremoney, putting the ring, all of it is unnecessary. I'm not hurting anybody by being single and 40. I'll get married when I feel like it, when I can stop and settle for one person. Try out my lifestyle instead of hurting a poor man or a woman who decided to marry you, expecting to have sex with only you forever.

Single and happy . . . I

- submitted by onceadaylily on 05/05/2007

Single and happy . . . I agree with you, but you are speaking from your experience, and yours alone. Some weren't raised within groups and cultures that encouraged a full exploration of sexuality (some were even raised with many prohibitions against such).

I've never been married, but I am in my second long-term monogamous relationship (5 years), and monogamy, whether one is married or not, is hard. A test you have to pass, minute by minute, every day, in a way that few of our other roles require. Parenthood is the only other role that comes close . . . though we are allowed to have more than one child.

Swinging is better than an affair, no? The consent of both partners is required, and both partners engage in the act. Swinging seems to be the most level of playing fields, where this sort of thing is concerned. I wouldn't want to do it, but if some great guru from the sky came down and whispered that a swinging adventure or two would benefit my relationship, then my keys would probably go into the basket.

Swinging

- submitted by Happy Swinger on 09/19/2008

Swinging isn't for everyone. I even know swingers who shouldn't.

That being said a successful couple who swings should have the following:

A close relationship. Honesty. Trust. Communication.

Consider swinging an ethical alternative to having an affair (cheating).

How can I say this? Here: "Engagement in sexual activity with someone other than one's spouse or primary partner, with the full knowledge and consent of that spouse/primary partner" (Friend, Pearlmutter, McGinney 1989), and "recreational social-sexual sharing among consenting adults" (McGinney 1980). In practical terms, this translates into married couples, and couples in committed and casual relationships, engaging in social-sexual activity with other couples outside of their relationship. It is very different from cheating, however, because everyone involved are mutual participants, free of guilt, dishonesty and deceit. In other words, a couple in a relationship has openly discussed and agreed that such social-sexual interactions with others is ok.

If you can have this, you can avoid guilt.

AND you don't lose any other part of your marriage. And that's a LOT.