- submitted by a.vernon on 08/21/2009
The Ultimate Nightmare? The Snuggie, Now For Dogs
By Amy Vernon
At first, I thought it must be a joke.
Then, I laughed.
Then, the true horror of what I beheld struck me and I knew I had to tell the world what a truly horrible thing they have done with the Snuggie.
They've taken the Snuggie, of which I'm a fan (well, I'm more of a Slanket kind of person, but close enough), and made one FOR DOGS.
Yes. For dogs.
Now, I know the rap against the Snuggie/Slanket:
• "It's a backwards robe!"
• "It's a blanket with sleeves!"
• "You look like a monk wearing it!"
• "I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that!"
Let me say this about that:
• Yes, it is like a backwards robe. Except it's better. It's designed to be worn that way, and if you've ever put a robe on backwards, you know it wasn't designed to be worn that way. Feels weird, the arms are in the wrong place, yada yada yada.
• Yes, it is a blanket with sleeves. That's why one of them is called the Slanket. (The "sl" is from sleeves, the "anket" from blanket - see?) How is that a negative?
• Sure, it's sorta monkish. But who cares when you're all snuggled (see where the Snuggie name comes from) on your sofa, all nice and toasty. BFD.
• And the last one's easiest: Don't do anything likely to cause your demise while wearing it.
Look, you don't like the Snuggie/Slanket? Whoop-de-do. I'm happy for you. Just don't harsh my buzz and tell me I can't like it.
I can, however, despise the idea of a Snuggie for dogs, because that is, frankly, the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. And I'm older than I look.
OK, maybe it's not the stupidest, but it's close.
People who put clothing on their dogs are in desperate need of a hobby. A real hobby. Like crocheting or divining.
Dogs have hair. It protects them from the elements. You shouldn't have a Chihuahua in Canada, nor should you have a Siberian husky in Florida. It's that simple. The former is a warm climate dog, the latter a cold climate dog. If you don't try to get some teensy dog that doesn't have enough hair to deal with sub-freezing temperatures, you won't have to worry about whether or not it's warm enough.
Don't make yourself look like Paris Hilton and clothe your dog. You don't want to be like Paris Hilton, do you?
It comes in blue and pink. BLUE AND PINK. And ranges from extra-small to large. At first I wondered if that was discrimination against, say, a great Dane or a St. Bernard, but then I realized -- If you tried to put one of these things on one of those dogs, it'd rip your throat out. I don't care how gentle that pet is, if he saw you coming at him with a Snuggie, you'd be hospitalized for at least a week. And rightfully so.
Don't believe me? The collie dog 
shown wearing the pink Snuggie above the embedded commercial on their page looks absolutely stoned. Because her owner (I know she's a girl, because she's wearing pink) had to tranquilize her in order to put it on. She may have been lobotomized. I can't tell from just a photo, though. And the little dachshund at the bottom of the page? He (wearing blue) looks absolutely traumatized. I think he's trying to say, "I'm just a little dog; I couldn't fight back when my owner put this moronic thing on me! Help me! Send Milk Bones."
Please, people, do your pets a favor and do NOT get them a Snuggie.
Instead, buy one for me.
If you're curious -- and ready to endure the ultimate in audio-visual Snuggie Dog silliness -- here's the actual video commercial:
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Amy Vernon is a contributing writer at Burbia and a regular blogger.
Amy grew up on Long Island and has lived in the Chicago, Miami, Phoenix and New York metropolitan areas at various points in her life. In other words, she's spent her entire life in the suburbs, except that summer she interned for The Courier-Journal in Kentucky, though the Louisville neighborhood she lived in seemed pretty dang suburban.
She has a bachelor of science in journalism (that's a B.S. in journalism, get it?) from Northwestern University and worked for newspapers as a reporter, editor and blogger for nearly 20 years before she was laid off in the great newspaper culling of 2008.
Amy now works from home as a freelance consultant and writer with her husband, a writer/actor/stay-at-home father who has taken on the additional role of office manager as she settles into her new life. Her older son, Rafael, loves zebras, giraffes and elephants, while the younger, Markus, is utterly obsessed with the "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" book and DVD.
Got all that? You can find Amy online waxing poetic about teleivion -- particularly 24, Battlestar Galactic and Lost, not necessarily in that order -- at The TV Tyrant or follow her on Twitter @amyvernon....read more rants
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