B-Rant

- submitted by s.levenstein on 09/08/2009

  

Sports TV: Please Spare Us The Wild World of 'Spits'!

By Steve Levenstein

Like most guys, I'm a sports fan. I root root root for the home team, even though in the case of hockey it's been 42 years since the home team last won anything worth rooting for, and most photos of the dimly recalled triumph are in black & white.

No matter -- a true fan can appreciate sports for their own sake regardless of which teams are playing.

Appreciation is one thing; enjoying the presentation is another. When it comes to sports on TV, well, let's just say I'm not lovin' it. For instance, things have gotten to the point where I'm choosing to listen to baseball games on the radio. Now you might think there's no comparison between audio and video and you'd be right, and that's all right with me 'cause radio's audio doesn't offend my eyes the way TV's video does.

Watching a televised baseball game these days is an experience fraught with frustration, irritation and, dare I say, disgust -- even on those rare occasions when the Blue Jays are winning.

For starters, who decides where to place the cameras? Someone needs to clue the networks in to the fact that teams have third base coaches who stand in roughly the same area throughout the game, in every game... which places them right in front of the camera, facing away. Until the network technicians figure out how to record in the x-ray spectrum, restrict the use of those sideline cameras. I've seen far too many of Dem Bums.

Next up is an annoying trend that needs to stop right now, and that's the computer generated slo-mo logo explosion that fills my screen with fireworks every time there's a flashback, recap or change in the game action. Is this really necessary? Isn't there already a slightly less annoying "bug" in the corner of the screen? I'm wondering why it's so important for me to know what network I'm watching in the first place -- they're not trying to sell me any products. Or maybe they are, and I'm just too blinded by the magawatt pyrotechnic show-off show to have noticed.

Last and definitely not least, I'll admit I'm impressed by how close broadcasters are bringing the viewing audience to the action on the field. You can't get that near to the players if you actually go to the game. But ya know, I really don't want to get as close as the cameras are bringing me -- nobody does.

They'll zoom in on a player, and then they'll zoom in some more, and suddenly you feel like you're in Apollo 11 counting down for a landing. The other day during a Jays-Rays game I was treated to a better view of Ben Zobrist's teeth than his dentist gets. Say Ben, you should do something about that lower left incisor, it's getting crowded out.

Now of all the people you want to zoom in on, baseball players have to be at the bottom of the list. They spit, they sweat, they spew sunflower seeds like there's no tomorrow. But mostly, they spit and it seems to happen so often and so close I feel like I should check my shirt for splatters.

The whole player's bench is one big spitting gallery and thanks to the power of today's TV technology, I can feel like I'm right there on the firing line. Combine this with today's larger, wider HDTV screens and the results are almost frightening. Just wait 'til they're broadcasting in 3D! Back off, will ya? There's such a thing as Too Much Information and that's what I'm getting, in spades.

So there you have it, the reasons why I'm tuning out the tube and tuning in the ol' transistor. I can hear the crack of the third baseman's bat yet I'm spared seeing the crack of the third base coach's butt. I can endure cuts to commercial without being subjected to the gimmicky imagery of a 2-second ad repeated for the 22nd time.

Finally, I can maintain a respectful distance between myself, the players and their respective expectorations. Seriously, the current status of Jacoby Ellsbury's nose hair is his business and his alone. A word to the wise, sports networks: your striking new technology is striking out with the viewers, so play fair, not foul...read more rants