- submitted by s.levenstein on 02/03/2010
'Truck Nuts' Are Driving Me Squirrely
By Steve Levenstein
Many of us like to add a little something to the vehicles we drive so that they better reflect our personalities. This usually isn't a bad thing; take those flower-powery New Beetles with a dayglo decal on the fender and a fresh-picked bloom in the dedicated bud holder. Cute, and mostly harmless unless you're some sort of botanical rights activist.
Also in the Cute category are the plush Seven Dwarfs figures lined up along the rear package shelves of cars owned by those of Asian heritage -- supposedly they represent the Seven Lucky Gods, and there's no need to include that overly WASP-y Snow White. Fine & dandy. I can put up with Dopey, Doc & the gang group eyeballing me from the drive thru lane.
But you know how people are, they just don't seem to know when to quit. Such is the case with Truck Nuts, and the whole thing's making me a little (wait for it...) testy.
"Truck nuts, also known as truck balls, BumperNuts or truck scrotums, are accessories for pickup trucks and other vehicles." So leads off the Wikipedia entry on these anatomically correct (and politically incorrect) automotive accessories.
By the way, I can understand there being a need for competing marketers to call these items by different yet similar names, but "truck scrotums"?? I'm guessing that company was a johnson-come-lately. Anyway, you've probably seen these things around town & country by now. Especially country, as they're popular among the crew cab, gun rack, confederate flag & red state crowd. I said red state, not red neck... say, does Jeff Foxworthy know about Truck Nuts?
For those who DON'T know about Truck Nuts, here's a short primer. They're an auto accessory that mounts to a vehicle's rear bumper. Just below it, actually, giving said vehicle the look of a bull, bulldog or bullfrog's nether end as it travels north. Yep, bullfrog... I'm just assuming as I haven't followed any ambulating amphibians of late.
Molded in plastic or metal and do NOT ask me who the model was, Truck Nuts add that extra dose of testosterone to a vehicle which more than likely has already been manned out to the max. You're just not going to see a pair of Truck Nuts on a soccer mom's minivan, at least not with her knowledge.
Am I painting the Stetson set with an overly wide brush when it comes to Truck Nuts? Not really. It's not that I have anything against those who reinforce a certain stereotype; it's their culture and they're welcome to rebel, er, revel in it. But guys... can you please put the Truck Nuts back in their shells? Your General Lee wannabe is an extension of yourself, I get that, but as long as you're legally obliged to keep your own, umm, extensions under cover, the same obligation ought to be applied to the ones hanging off the back of your mobile machismo machine.
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Steve Levenstein was born & raised at the then-northern edge of metro Toronto, Canada. Looking through the prism of the suburbs has not only given him a slightly skewed view of society, but has also helped frame the wider world as a series of variations on a theme. Closer to home, Toronto's multicultural mix acts as a rich, vibrant tonic -- an essential elixer that, by putting people out of their place, highlights the common humanity which lies within.
After a 15-year dip in the corporate pool, Steve abandoned the daily commute to focus on his first love, writing, and spending time with his family. Steve's wife of 18 years hails from Tokyo, Japan, and provides a unique window into the delights and diversions of modern Japanese culture while his 2 sons (the younger an established tech blogger in his own right) help keep the house from getting too quiet. Steve writes for a number of respected blogs including InventorSpot, WebUrbanist, Dark Roasted Blend and The Thinking Blog. ...read more rants
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