- submitted by s.levenstein on 10/13/2009
When Animals Attack, Things Are Out Of Whack
By Steve Levenstein
My kingdom for a horse? Not these days, as the horses -- and the rest of the animal kingdom -- are increasingly up in arms/legs/wings/whatever against us princely humans. Seriously, what's up with the rash of offbeat animal attacks lately?
I'm not referring to the run-of-the-mill (though not to those experiencing them) grizzly bear maulings and mountain lion stalkings way out west; those are a natural consequence of human intrusion into where the real wild things are. Nope, this time it's painfully personal and alarmingly local: the critters are a'creepin' into the suburbs and their intentions are anything but neighborly.
Let's start with a recent series of incidents involving turkeys, highlighted just last week right here on Burbia: wild turkeys are on the warpath! It's getting to the point where the mailman in Tenafly, "an affluent New York City suburb" according to Wikipedia, can't even deliver the mail without being hassled by a turkey who chased the poor postie back to his truck -- and then tried pecking holes in the tires. That's some tough turkey, even fer Joisey.
Then today we have word of another attack, this time by a gang of raccoons who took issue with a 74-year-old Lakeland, Florida woman who tried to shoo the varmints from her yard.
Now you, me and Clint Eastwood know you don't mess with a feisty retiree growling "Get off my lawn!", but evidently raccoons aren't you or I (though they may have a little Eastwood in 'em). The five masked furballs knocked the homeowner to the ground and went to work with their tiny, cute claws. "We're not talking about a lot of little bites here," explained Lakeland Sheriff Grady Judd. "She was filleted." And now she gets to enjoy a fun round of rabies shots.
Turkeys and raccoons don't normally warrant the same headlines as grizzlies and cougars but these don't seem to be normal times. What's next, squirrel swarmings? Could be -- sketchy reports out of Russia mention dozens of angry black squirrels who mobbed a barking dog and tore it to kibbles & bits.
If even the reliably passive "wild" creatures are turning on us, then we've got trouble and not just any trouble -- Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for 'pool'... well, I don't know where I'm going with that but we DO have trouble.
The rules of engagement are changing out here in suburbia and it won't help to complain, à la George Costanza, that "we had a deal!!" with our furred, fanged and feathered former friends. The pigeon that typically trots out of your path in the park today may make like a Jersey turkey tomorrow. A-park-alypse now? Fur sure; it's just beak cause.
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Steve Levenstein was born & raised at the then-northern edge of metro Toronto, Canada. Looking through the prism of the suburbs has not only given him a slightly skewed view of society, but has also helped frame the wider world as a series of variations on a theme. Closer to home, Toronto's multicultural mix acts as a rich, vibrant tonic -- an essential elixer that, by putting people out of their place, highlights the common humanity which lies within.
After a 15-year dip in the corporate pool, Steve abandoned the daily commute to focus on his first love, writing, and spending time with his family. Steve's wife of 18 years hails from Tokyo, Japan, and provides a unique window into the delights and diversions of modern Japanese culture while his 2 sons (the younger an established tech blogger in his own right) help keep the house from getting too quiet. Steve writes for a number of respected blogs including InventorSpot, WebUrbanist, Dark Roasted Blend and The Thinking Blog...read more rants
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