- submitted by Linda Keenan on 11/18/2009
From City To Burbs...A Whole New (Unfortunate?) Vocabulary
By Linda Keenan
Suburban Pocket Translator. You won't find one at the Rosetta Stone kiosk at the mall. When I left the city to become a new homeowner, a new parent, and a newly underemployed person, I had to learn the mores, culture and language of my newly adopted people: the Suburbanites. Here's a sample of my recently revised lexicon.
Comps
Old Meaning: free stuff or free admission, as in "Dude, come by the club at midnight, my bro is working the door and he'll comp
you."
New Meaning: comparable real estate values of houses recently sold in your neighborhood, which greatly affect the worth of your own
home, as in "that idiot next door foreclosed and now my comps are in the toilet."
OT
Old Meaning: Overtime. "Oh, you're working OT? Need some extra cash?"
New Meaning: Occupational Therapy, which countless kids in suburbia are getting (moms just clock in for plain old therapy). Usage:
"I've got to race Kilkenney over to OT before T-Ball!"
Great Room
Old Meaning: "oh, this (grim 400 square foot studio) is a great room!"
New Meaning: "We really thought we absolutely had to have a Great Room in our (6 thousand square foot monstrosity). But, well, now we can't pay the heating bills."
Drink Box
Old Meaning: portable and barely potable wine that powered the lush lives of the young and penniless.
New Meaning: the ubiquitous kiddie hydration system known colloquially as the juice box. See also the Dunkin Donuts Box o' Joe, a vaguely depressing accompaniment to the many family fun fairs held by the local schools.
I Have A Date
Old Meaning: "This could be The One. I really like this guy! We're going to Pastis!"
New Meaning: "Durango has a (play) date with Bella. I hope to God Bella's mom offers me some wine. So what it's 4 o clock? Oprah's
on, isn't she?"
All-Nighter
Old Meaning: toiling in the corporate trenches or raging until the sun's in your eyes.
New Meaning: "I had an all-nighter with Peyton, I don't know if it's a growth spurt or colic or what but I am dying this morning."
Ped (pronounced 'peed')
Old Meaning: "Thank God I peed before I got to this crazy bar. Not a chance I'm going into that scary hellhole."
New Meaning: "What did your ped (pediatrician) say about Nevaeh stabbing your hand with a fork? Oppositional Defiant Disorder?"
Points
Old Meaning: for me, working in TV news, points meant one thing, and one thing only: rating points.
New Meaning: Either Weight Watcher Points, a matter of intense discussion over the appetizers at my book club, or mortgage points,
which buy down the rate of your loan, as in "OMG, you have a 4.65 percent loan??? How many points did you have to pay?!"
People On The Bus
Old Meaning: "I could NOT believe the people on the bus today. Seriously one nutjob had a crack pipe."
New Meaning: People on the bus go Bumpety Bump Bump. Bumpety Bump Bump. Bumpety Bump Bump. ...read more rants
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